Can we say pedophile??

Now this is just ridiculous. Some idiot decided to break a world record for hugging people in a 24 hour period. First of all, why the hell do we have these records in the first place? Who decided in their crazy ass state, “Hey, I got an idea, I’m going to hug everyone and not end up on a sexual predator list.”

Well for, Jeff Ondash, who hugs under the alter-ego, Teddy McHuggin, he decided that hugging in Vegas is the best way to accomplish that goal.

Hey, Teddy, when they say, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” I don’t think they are talking about hugging people. McHuggin, I’m so disgusted I really hope McDonalds sues you. Hell, I hope McLovin sues him too. He wants to tell us that when you hug someone you make their day and they walk away smiling. This man needs to learn that hugs are pointless and that most people are also worthless… whether you hug them or not.

How long does a hug have to even last to officially count as a hug? Do BS hugs count? We all know the BS hug, right? That’s when the girl you’re interested in gives you a hug and lightly taps you on the back to let you know that she is not interested in you at all. Does the hug have to be two armed? I mean, the “man hug”, which is that handshake slight embrace with a slap on the shoulder blade hug, is usually extremely quick. I don’t think it takes long enough to officially count as a hug.

I think the best thing you could possibly do is run up to this idiot and act like you are going to hug him, hug everyone around him, and just punch him right in the face and take his wallet.

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Since the 2008 Olympics, there are two basic lessons the world has learned:

1). Smoking weed makes you more buoyant; and

2). Usain Bolt is fast.

The Jamaican superstar, who outran the other Olympians in a villainous fashion, has made his mark as the fastest man in the world.  He’s so quick that at age 23, he’s already 30 years old.  That’s how fast he is.

"Bitch, please!"

It’s only right that Bolt has been rewarded for his gift.  In 2008, Bolt took home three gold medals for each Olympic event he attempted.  He broke world records in two of those events, one of which he already had the world record in.  This means that at age 23, he had set the record for being the fastest person alive, and had already broken that record.  Theoretically, this makes Usain Bolt the fastest and second fastest person alive.

That’s how fast he is.

Now, one year after his earth-shattering debut at the Olympics, Bolt has made headlines once again.  At the 2009 Berlin World Championships, Bolt took home three gold medals yet again.  Simply winning, though, is not good enough for this man.  In the 100 m, Usain Bolt once again beat his world record that had already once beaten his previous world record.

Confused?  So is the rest of the world.

1st.. 2nd.. and 3rd

“I’m really dedicated to being a champion,” said Bolt, after winning at the Berlin World Championship and becoming the first, second, and third fastest people alive.  “I want to be a legend.”

Well, Mr. Bolt, consider yourself there.  Not only are you the fastest man alive; your only real competition is previous incarnations of yourself.  You have rewritten the rules on both competitive sports and the laws of nature.  For that, I award you legend status.

Now, go back to Jamaica, and let somebody else win a freakin’ race.  Mon.

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