The Wii: Bringing Women Orgasms Like No Man Can

Well folks, I’ve officially heard it all now. Amanda Flowers of Manchester England was once your everyday normal citizen until she suffered from a life changing fall… off of her Wii board.

I’m not even going to ask how this dumb bitch managed to fall off her board, considering it only sits about two inches off the ground, but apparently the fall was so intense that she suffered from major nerve damage.

Well now she says that any and all vibrations insanely turn her on, including mobile phones and food processors, causing her to need up to 10 sex sessions a day after her “Wii Fit board turned her into a sex addict!”

She explains:

“It began as a twinge down below before surging through my body. Sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm. With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply. Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.”

This crazy nympho has actually been diagnosed with persistent sexual arousal due to the damaged nerve. I have heard of people having accidents with their Wii’s before but this one seriously takes the cake!

So take notes guys- if your girlfriend is frigid in the bedroom and won’t put out or give you the goods… simply wait until the next time she’s shaking her ass on the Wii Fit and knock her Wii Fit’n ass to the ground.

Hopefully, with any luck, she’ll damage a nerve and wind up rolling over to pick herself up off the floor… trip again, and land right onto your dick! Hopefully, they all end up like Amanda Flowers and have a huge hankering and insatiable appetite for Wii Wii’s.

Update: The Wii Fit has suddenly experienced a sudden surge in sales.

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Coming soon to a Garage Sale near you!

See that plastic guitar collecting dust in the corner of the living room.  Yeah, that one, it’s right next to the fake drum set, the folded up one, because you now own the new drum set with cymbals, so the old four pad model is already outdated.  The microphone went missing months ago, and you never invested for another guitar simply because no one ever wants to play bass.  Now thanks to those geniuses over at the guitar hero empire they have now decided that you need a new toy you are not going to play with in a few months.

That’s right boys and girls, now we have DJ Hero, the latest attempt by the gaming companies to make you plop down another $100 bucks on a video game.  DJ hero finally proves the point that I’ve been trying to make for years- that DJ’s have no real talent to begin with.

I wonder if you have to wear headphones on your head while you play the game as well.  I understand why they did this, not everyone likes rock music, but a whole turntable set seems like a bit much.  The whole idea is three buttons, a mix switch, and being able to scratch away.  It’s all plastic and most likely made by Korean children and will possibly be the most wanted game this Christmas.  What’s next? Violin Hero? Play some Itzhak Perlman on expert or how about Banjo Hero and show those dudes from Deliverance who’s the boss.

You know what I can’t wait for?  Rave parties controlled by a video game.  Some loser inviting a few of his friends over, they pop some X and blast the night away.  Glow sticks everywhere, Newport cigarettes and Winterfresh wrappers all over the floor.  I wonder if this lifestyle is relayed in the game?  In the Guitar Hero universe they show this fake band making it from the garage to the big time.  I wonder if DJ Hero really shows what it is like…  You start as a drug dealer in Detroit, and play all night parties, and later  die of a drug overdose right before your MTV show about addiction airs.

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