You can't handle the tooth?? WTF!! It's official- The Rock is GAY!

Remember when The Rock used to lay the “smackdown” on that “candy ass” and no one in the world found it gay. Well, now it’s official, The Rock is gay. In his new “film” The Tooth Fairy, The Rock plays a professional hockey player who is so mean spirited that he is sentenced to become the tooth fairy in order to become a better person. The trailer is a must see.

When I was younger and much dumber I loved watching wrestling and The Rock was the most entertaining guy. Then he quit wrestling and started doing movies. One of them was The Rundown, with The Rock, Stifler, and Christopher Walken as the bad guy. That movie, pun intended, rocked. There was a feeling of a new action hero in town. Then I guess his agent didn’t want him to be the next Vin Diesel… because we all know The Pacifier was an AFI classic. The moment Diesel used baby powder as a smoke cloud it officially became the dumbest movie ever. Plus who hired these third rate ninjas?

Back to The Tooth Fairy… why the hell are Mary Poppins and Billy Crystal in this crap of a movie? When The Rock read the script were his first thoughts, “I can not wait to be in a tutu!” Everything about this pile of crap looks awful and the worst part is, it will make money. They never spend a great deal of cash on movies like this and yet they make so much profit on international and DVD sales that it’s astounding.

Please Rock, can we get one more decent action movie before you are type cast for life in shitty family movies that only retards enjoy?

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Honda For Life... Literally

The media likes to proclaim that people copycat what they see in the movies. I agree to some extent, and I honestly don’t think that this is any more true than when it comes to these morons living like they are in the Fast and the Furious movies.

I’m sure you have noticed this trend- idiots driving around in their super cool juiced up 04′ Honda Civics with flames painted on the doors, and neon lights glowing away on the undercarriage like they’re in the light parade at Disney World. Pumping some form of obnoxious trance/hop dance music out of their 25 speakers, with flames shooting out of the shiny dual exhaust system in the back.

These ”speedracers” like to drive 125 miles per hour in school zones and around retirement homes. They are also clearly wannabe Vin Diesels that enjoy sporting “Affliction” shirts, wear their two sizes too small Diesel jeans, and get off on bragging how they live their life “a quarter mile at a time.” What kind of a lifestyle is this? Do they know how much of a douchebag they are? And the worst part is… this is really happening. Everyday. They’re going out into traffic almost causing accidents left and right. Well it is time this hideous trend come to an end.

The Only Acceptable Drag Racing

This is an open call to all motorist: Please someone run these polesmokers off the road. If you see a car with neon lights- slash their tires. If they have flames painted on the door- either key your name into the side in pretty calligraphy, or step it up one, and set their car on fire. If they have flames shooting out of the exhaust- put bananas in the tailpipes or drop a tampon in their gas tank! And if you get caught- challenge them to a race for… “slicks.”

Brag and mock him and tell him he ain’t no “real driver.” Tell him that he needs to “put up” or “shut up.” And then take the longest key you have and stab that asshat in the throat and start sucking his blood. Yell at him,

“You want to live your life in the movies fool? You may live your life a quarter mile at a time but I live my life a quarter pint at a time cause I’m a Vampire Mother F*cker!”

It’s time to show these A$$holes what affliction REALLY feels like!

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