Real life Vampire couples? If they break up... who gets the coffin??

Something I’ve noticed today, more than any other day… is that the most popular horror film genre must be the vampire film.

Honestly? I don’t get it.  My girlfriend is currently on book number 3 of the hugely popular Twilight series, and then there is Vampire Diaries on CW, and Cirque Du Freak is in the theater currently. The next Twilight movie is out in a few weeks and True Blood just finished their second season with record breaking numbers on HBO.  Both the male/female leading couples of Twilight and True Blood are currently real life couples… ?

I know some of you are really into the idea of being a vampire.

Unfortunately, I bet it sucks.

Unless you live in a city like New York or Las Vegas, being a vampire must be pretty boring.  In most places, last call is 2 am, and in some other places it could be as early as midnight. Well, that sucks. You just woke up to wreak havoc on the living and they are all going to bed and you can only go into their home if they invite you.  Plus all activities are closed.  Can’t go to the movies, unless it’s the midnight show, but that crowd is usually way too vocal for me.  What if you were a vampire but you needed something from the store?  Unless you have a 24 hr Super Walmart in your neck of the woods you are going to be SOL.

Here is something I’ve always wondered- does blood type matter?  Can a vampire be allergic to a certain blood type? What if he/she attacks someone with Sickle Cell, does that mean they choke, and does the Heimlich maneuver even apply here?  Also, in the movies… vampires are seen eating things other than people. Garlic is in so many dishes.  You know how hard it would be to go out for dinner and ask for a dish with no garlic in it at all.  Plus is it only the cross that matters or would vampires suffer from the plus sign as well?

Good luck doing your taxes there Nosferatu.

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“Have you ever seen vampires f*ck?”

I asked this question to a friend the other night while we were drinking at a bar.  This is the kind of banter you can expect in my friend circle after a couple of drinks.  Just replace “vampires” with anything else out of the ordinary, and voila: our typical conversation

But on this particular night, I was shattered when I realized the harsh reality.  These days, everybody has seen vampires f*ck.

Everybody…but me.

It's all the rage

You see, over the last few years, vampire f*cking has become a staple of the entertainment industry.  If you’ve been to the movies, watched cable TV, or walked around your local Hot Topic in recent months, the trend is apparent.  People – and more specifically, teenage girls – love watching vampires get it on.

It’s a modern phenomenon, really.  Vampires are f*cking all over the place.  Twilight, Underworld, True Blood…there’s hot vampire action at every turn.  At this rate, vampires will be given the right to marry before homosexuals.

So clearly, a large percentage of the population has, in fact, seen vampires f*cking.  Normally I’d be thrilled at such a thing.  But really, all I feel is jealously.

I would absolutely love to watch me some vampire porn.  I really would.  Being the one who asked the question in the first place, my mind is obviously open to the concept.

But in order to watch vampires f*ck, Read more »

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