There's a big difference between dickslappin' and pimpslappin'

If you thought Chris Brown couldn’t be any more of a raging douchebag… he still manages to surprise. Shocking! Chris Brown sat down for an exclusive interview with Mojo in the Morning and when asked about Tiger Woods’ infidelity and the drama surrounding it… ChrisBeatHerDown manages to make the question about himself.

Here is one of our favorite quotes:

“Whatever his personal life is—and I think this goes for me and him—his personal life is his personal life. Nobody has the right to place judgment or make any judgment on somebody else’s personal life when they’re not directly involved with them,” he continues. “He plays golf. That’s his sport, that’s his hobby, that’s his love, that’s what people love him for. They don’t love him for the other stuff that they talk about. Even with me, I do music, I sing songs, I’m an entertainer, I’m a performer. But people make mistakes.”

Now is it just us or is there not a HUGE difference between a man sleeping around on his wife and a man pulverizing his girlfriend over some skanky text? I mean, it would be one thing if Tiger Woods had whipped out his massive lovestick and smacked the bitches around for awhile before putting it into their holes.

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Save for one thing, 2009 might have been the lamest year of all time.

That one thing is Avatar, and it’s sweet jungle alien love.  Sweet, sweet alien love.

But besides that, how do we remember 2009?  The people who died?  The celebrity scandals?  The political…blah?

In more ways than one, 2009 should be considered a step backwards.  The major stories that we enter 2010 with are disappointments, tragedies, and unmet expectations.  Susan Boyle had the top selling album of the year.  Transformers 2 was the top grossing movie of the year.

Yes, really.

Mediocre taste has become somewhat of a pandemic, drawing precious money and attention away from the worthwhile.  Ironically, this is only the second lamest pandemic that struck in 2009.  Number one, of course, is the swine flu.

Rest in peace, MJ. You haven't missed much.

Barack Obama, who ended 2008 as the barer of hope, is now the most unexciting president since James K. Polk.  The unintentional rhyme of that sentence might actually be more interesting than Barack Obama’s presidency.

Twilight fever was never declared a pandemic.  In reality, though, it may have ended more lives than the swine flu.  New Moon bested The Dark Knight for the biggest opening weekend in box office history.  Vampires are all the rage when – really – vampires are about as cool as a stake to the eyes.

2009 will also be remembered for Michael Jackson and Tiger Woods, but for all the wrong reasons.  I imagine a good year is when the best performer releases a masterpiece, or when the best athlete destroys his competition.  A bad year, then, is when the immortal ones turn out to be just as f*cked as the rest of us.

2009 was that year.

2009 in a nutshell. Er...cardboard box.

It must be said, though, that every dark cloud has a silver lining.  As to what exactly 2009’s silver lining is – I couldn’t tell you.  Avatar?  Funnel Cake Sticks at Burger King?  Health care reform?  It’s anyone’s guess.

All I know is that 2009 left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  And it’s going to take more than Funnel Cake Sticks to fix that.

Tired of stoking it... Tiger pounds it in the hole.

Well, this is just getting better and better. Check this out. Those are the eight different women that Tiger Woods has been rumored to be involved with and wouldn’t you know it, the majority of them are pornstars and call girls. Also, am I the only one that noticed that a few of them actually look like his wife? I understand his thinking- maybe if he is seen in public with the ones that looked like his wife… then no one would notice.

On the other side of the coin, if you are going to cheat on your wife, wouldn’t you pick someone that doesn’t look like your wife at all? I actually can’t wait for the moment that the NAACP releases a statement complaining about how no black woman are mentioned to be a whoring with Tiger. Equal opportunity?

Well, if all the pornstars and hookers weren’t enough for you, one of them, a Miss Jamie Jungers has decided to tell her story to the today show. I personally love how all these networks preach no sex on their television shows or freak out if Janet Jackson’s left tit shows up during the Super Bowl, but a frank conversation about a golfer having lurid affairs with pornstars and hookers first thing in the morning is perfectly acceptable television. Long story short, he’s a dude who wouldn’t take care of his hooker. You gotta take care of your hooker Tiger, ho got to eat too.

You know what the funniest part to me about all of this is? Golfers never got laid before Tiger. Golfers are the one athlete on the planet next to a curler broom sweeper that rarely use their sport to get chics. The other sports have all of their groupies that hang out by the locker room, but golf really doesn’t have that.

All golf has are a bunch of rich dudes following around other men that truly appreciate their art of “stroking.” So, I guess Tiger had enough of that… and while on these tours he decided to take advantage of being the only fuckable guy on the PGA Tour.

I wonder if he kept his wedding ring in the golf bag?

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6 Attempts At Brainwashing Kids (Cracked)

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Tiger Woods Voicemail Remix (Huffington Post)

Ah, the PERFECT family.

Tiger Woods had the weirdest drive of his entire career over the weekend and it did not involve a fairway or a sand trap… but it sure was rough. At 2:20 AM on Thanksgiving night he was found in a car accident outside his Florida home when his Cadillac Escalade hit a fire hydrant after he lost control of his car.

He was alone in the car, and supposedly his wife was bashing the car violently with a golf club… to get him out of his peril. A lot of folks are asking why was he going out at such an hour. Clearly these reporters don’t understand that Best Buy was opening in 3 more hours with Blu Ray DVDs at half price.

Now, after the accident, the flood gates have opened about the truth of the situation. There are lacerations on Tiger’s face that are not from the accident. His wife bashing in the car windows with a golf club had nothing to do with the accident.

This all had more to do with her response of Tiger being involved with some mistress in Australia. Hey, another moment where I once again shout out, “You rock Australia!” The media storm is truly circling because Tiger had become that rare athlete like Michael Phelps in America. The athlete with the squeaky clean image and I think Americans have had just about enough.

You know there are a few people really happy about all of this, and yes, I am one of them! I have had enough of this “king of kings” not involved in hookers and cocaine deals. I like my athletes like I like my friends- full of problems, and a BAC over .10. Tiger Woods has been way too clean for way too long and it’s about time for his star to fall just a little bit.

I wonder if Brewer has a Facebook page.

We need to remind ourselves that no one is pure and innocent and that all of us are just as guilty as the next person. It’s like politicians. I don’t like voting for people not involved in sex scandals and drugs. Because quite honestly, I don’t think they are real people if they say they aren’t up to these shenanigans.

Tiger- congratulations on rejoining society.

You may have more money than I’ll ever see but now I know we can relate on pissing off a woman so much that she tried to kill you.

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