Definitely not going to make the fattest... er, fastest getaway.

In clearly the funniest theft I read about this week, a Russian man was caught after he allegedly stole an ATM machine out of a store with the owner watching the entire robbery. The police knew they had their man, not only because of the ATM machine sitting in the back of his BMW, but because of the description of the perpetrator.

He was a sumo wrestler.

The robbery was committed in broad daylight, in Moscow, when the sumo wrestler walked into the shop, picked up the ATM machine, which weighed about 200 pounds… and walked out the front door. The police were alerted and pulled the BMW over… which had no tags and tinted windows.

They quickly discovered the ATM machine in the backseat. The machine still contained its contents of 850 dollars so the police, subsequently, arrested the wrestler and his accomplice.

Who the hell plotted this robbery? A sumo wrestler is not exactly the “Where’s Waldo” of a crowd. People are going to notice him. Period. Also, the execution of this theft was completely criminal. Shopkeepers tend to notice someone stealing their ATM machine…  it’s not exactly Mission Impossible.

Then, you get into a BMW with tinted windows and no tags… because you will blend in with the rest of the traffic? Here’s an idea- don’t go with a sumo wrestler as your “muscles” for a robbery. Clearly, you can not make a speedy getaway.

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