One of the big news stories recently was the 40th anniversary of the Woodstock festival. Everyone knows it was the weekend of peace , love and music. Which really was drugs, drugs, and more drugs. Seriously they ran out of food by Saturday. If you get a chance see some of the ground breaking acts that also played that weekend. Sha NaNa, really, wow. It’s like every big thing in your past, you have a better memory of it than it probably deserves.

Peace, love, and FIRE!!

Which brings me to Woodstock 99. Yep. I was there. It was a super hot weekend in Rome, N.Y. I was 18 years old, a senior in high school and a full time idiot. It was $115 bucks for the weekend pass, which included camping and parking. I drove out there with a few good friends and wound up, to my memory, having a great time. Now, that I’m ten years older, and I’ve been to many other festivals, I can now proudly say. Woodstock 99 sucked balls.

Let’s start with what seemed like 100 toilets for every ten thousand people. Total attendance was close to 200,000 maybe more. The port o potties were also never cleaned during the weekend. The entire time I really tried to avoid number 2 but it was impossible and when I did go, I found out what being in Vietnam must have been like. Some things change a man.

Water was five bucks a bottle. Looking back on it all, I still can’t belive that I liked Limp Bizkit so much that I was willing to sit through Alanis Morrisette so I can be even closer to the stage, in 95 degree heat with no water. There was no real order to anything. They gave us maps, but they were all useless. After Rage Against the Machine , I would say it took me 3 hours to find my campsite. We woke up on the last day, decided none of us cared about any of the other acts left to play and busted out of town to beat the rush at the time. Turns out, we left in the nick of time.

Lets do drugs and play in mud!!!

Yes, I missed out on the rapes and fires that it became famous for. So, yeah, don’t blame any of that on me. I got home that day and turned on the news and CNN was proudly showcasing what was happening as it was going down minute by minute. They blamed it on the loud music, they blamed it on the wild fans, when really, it was our own damn fault. We decided that being out in the middle of nowhere to listen to rap metal on a diet of nothing but beer and drugs was a good idea.

Hippies Rule!

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I like sex with my waffles!!

Sometime in 2003, Louisville college basketball coach Rick Pitino decided he really needed to have sex in a restaurant after having a few too many drinks.  Later on that year he decided to drop $3,000 on an abortion.  Even more interesting than this is the woman in question decided that she wanted 10 million in hush money.  When he decided to charge her the crime of extortion she decided to scream rape, twice in fact.

According to her: he raped her at the restaurant that resulted in a pregnancy and then again a few weeks later at somewhere classier, probably at a Dennys.  I hear the Breakfast Dagwood Sandwich is valued at about 3,000 as well- yeah, 3,000 calories.

What I want to get at about this whole thing is the utter stupidity of all involved.  First of all, why are you having an affair at a restaurant.?? I mean, coffee and dessert is one thing for something sweet after the meal but full blown f***ing?  It’s not like he owned the place, he couldn’t like have the staff go home for the night.  It means that someone else saw the whole thing, probably a bus boy or the coat check girl.  Imagine having a threesome with a busser.  Every time you throw off some clothing, there he is to pick it right up for you.

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