All I want from the Powerball jackpot is my two front teeth

You never wake up expecting to win the Powerball.  If you do, then you’re more delusional than the OctoMom.  The recent jackpot winner for April 21, will bring home $252 million.  Well at least before the government bends him over and takes about 40% of his cash value ($120 mil) which will leave him with right around $80 million.  This lucky man is Chris Shaw from Missouri.

This real life Beverly Hillbillies story would not be complete if Chris had a full set of teeth.  As you can see from the picture, Chris lacks the ownership of front teeth which he probably lost in a bar fight trying to defend his 500lbs of what he calls a girlfriend.

In an AP article on Yahoo!, he names all the things he wants to do and in the process names about a half dozen kids.  3 kids with 2 different woman and he is with a girl now who has 2 kids of her own.  Be careful buddy, before you know it, you’ll be white hick version of Shawn Kemp.

His boss in the interview was nothing but happy for him. Yeah, (in leprechaun accent) sure I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.  She says this:

He’s just a great guy, a good employee. When you think of a large winner like this, everyone likes to see that the person who won is somebody like Chris.

What?  Everyone likes to see that the person who won is somebody like Chris?  Really?  Sorry but I disagree.  I think most of the nation is thinking the same thing as me: Stock in Pizza Hut, Bud Light and Marlboro just went up by about 100%.  I would bet that this guy pisses his money away faster than MC Hammer.

The best part is this guy says he’s not sure if he’ll quit his job or not.  Dumbass, you just got done saying you make $7.25/hr.  Why the hell would you return to a job that is giving you under $300/wk?  It’s not like you were CEO of AIG.  Although how quickly your money starts getting wasted, I’m sure a resemblance could be seen.

I’m sorry but fuck Chris Shaw and his $250 million plus jackpot.

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