Forty years ago, two computer techs from UCLA and Stanford came up with an idea of sending information from two computers. One tech wrote the letters, L, then O, and then G. The other tech received the first two letters and the system crashed on the G attempt. This was the first ever instant message and, thus, the Internet was born.  So now, let’s talk about the 5 awesome things about the Internet.

Cable Modem

5. Cable modem. Remember dial up? Some of you do… some of you don’t. The younger ones probably have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, which is making me feel old.

All you young ones that get pissy at a page taking 10 seconds to load you don’t know how good you have it.

You spoiled brats!

Porn

4. Porn. This one is easy because buying and viewing porn used to be a dirty thing. Now it’s commonplace AND FREE!! It almost seems that if you are not looking at porn on the Internet… then what the hell are you doing on the net to begin with… Doing work? Reading for information? Shopping online? Banking? Submitting for scholarships? Taking an online college course?

Yeah…

What a waste of the technology.

YouTube

3. YouTube. There was once a time when stupid kids who pretended to have a Jedi duel with themselves where only viewable if you were the unfortunate parent to walk in on them playing in the bedroom. Not anymore.

Also- what would this crazy little world be like without Youtube losers to mock and make fun of?

Now we all get to enjoy the crazy people of this world thanks to this amazing website.

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Found in Flanders bathroom with the pages stuck together.

There are certain things I will never understand, and imaginary cartoon figures posing in nude/sexy underwear pictures is one of them. Seriously someone check Hugh’s diaper and see if there is blood cause this can only be the work of someone seriously loosing all control of his mind and body.  I can think of a million times hotter ideas than Marge Simpson in Playboy.  I know the skin mags are probably doing very poorly since people are doing all their porn viewing by the web, but this seems like a very silly idea of trying to sell magazines.

Will this be an interview piece with an imaginary character?  Can you think of anything dumber than reading an interview with a cartoon character?  Will she post her thoughts on the health care debate or offer grooming tips when you have blue hair? Do the carpets match the drapes?  I guess we will finally find out next month.  What other possibilities will we come across with the Simpsons?  Will Homer be on some Bear Man (whatever that fetish is called) cover, or will pictures of Lisa show up on Pee Wee Herman’s hard drive.  Will Patty and Selma be scissoring each other in some Taboo rag? Good luck getting that image out of your head.  Maybe it will get really horrific and Springfield will spawn its own redtube section and we will finally see all the guys at Moe’s just teaming up on Mrs. Krabapple.

Now, according to the article, the publishers of Playboy are doing this to bring in a “younger audience.”  How is this not illegal?  They are putting a cartoon character on their cover to pull in a younger demographic.  I have been watching the Simpsons since I was 8 years old   (I’m hitting 29 in November) and I have to ask, are they trying to advertise to the 8 year olds of today?  You really can’t blame Playboy for trying.  When the entire jackin’ off public knows full well you don’t have to pay a dime to get off with Internet porn, you might as well try to rope in the individuals who haven’t discovered that miracle just yet.

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