Honey, it's not just BritBrit that needs a bra...

Dear Perez,

First off, I love the title of your blog- Celebrity Juice, Not from TMZ Concentrate. I am a fellow blogger and I just had a few questions that I wanted to ask you. I know that you are considered to be a significant hypocritical influence in the celebrity gossip world and I find so many things about this rather intriguing.

For one, with you being someone that bashes every single actor and actress in regards to what they wear on the red carpet… why, oh why, do you dress like a member of In Living Color?

Anyhoo. You posted an article a few weeks back on your Coco Perez website about plus-sized models and how they’re too fat to effectively sell merchandise in magazines and ad campaigns because… oh shit, that reminds me. I loved your rants defending that orca from Precious and her womanly curves and you’re totally right, that “Mushy Farton” really is such a heffer!

I’ve always been amazed at your love for that homewrecker Angelina Jolie. Just because she slept with a married Brad Pitt years ago doesn’t make it “sooooo 2005.” Adopting children the way that people adopt puppies does not make Angie a saint and does little to no good in proving your point of what a man Jennifer “Maniston” is. Just because Aniston, aka Brad’s ex-wife, doesn’t feel like toting around a bunch of multicultural bastard children does NOT make her any less of a woman.

Speaking of women that look like men… how’s your wifey GaGa doing? Oh, and your “princess” Rihanna? We understand your undying love for GaGa considering she has a dick and all her music is consistently at the top of the charts but what’s your deal with “RiRi?” Maybe you can explain why you would ever want to post humiliating nude photos of your princess on your crap blog shortly after her douchebag ex boyfriend “Chris BeatHerDown” brutally bludgeoned her over a text message.

As for your distaste of Kristen Stewart and VaneXXXa Hudgens… please understand a few things, fatty. You can stop bashing these unfortunately accomplished actresses just because their boyfriends won’t fuck you. Not everyone is into dick… especially YOUR fat talentless shriveled schlong. So give it a rest and realize that the closest you’re ever going to get to “P-Ratz” and “Zacquisha” is when you catch a whiff of their fart as they pass your fat ass on the red carpet at the Teen Choice Awards.

On that note- one more thing… No one gives a fuck about your shittastic taste in music. If I wanted to hear crap that should never see the light of day I would plug my headphones into the toilet.

Disrespectfully yours,

CareBear

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The Top Ten (Chicago Now)

Do You Hate Walmart Too? (Web Upon)

Miss PreJean At It Again (Perez Hilton)

The World Is Your Urinal (WBal TV)

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I want to take a hot minute to hate on ThinkB4YouSpeak.com. In case you haven’t heard of this “we know better than you” organization, I’ll give you the ins and outs. Its run by theGay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) and basically they are preaching that people shouldn’t use the word gay as an adjective to describe something lame or stupid. To which I say, “Seriously?” To me, and I imagine a majority of other people, if something is gay it is gay. Some words have multiple meanings. The same way the lobby for bundles of sticks, twigs, or branches bound together aren’t up in arms about people calling homosexuals faggots. It’s understood that it means something else.

I think you mean, That's so gay.

Its slang and its stupid. Not stupid phresh, but stupid dumb. Stupid (dumb) kids have always made up new meanings for words to be cool. Ducky=Cool, Sick=Cool, Phat=Cool, Ill=Cool, Rad=Cool, Bad=Cool, Bad=Bad, Weak=Bad, Lame=Bad,  and an unending stream of other stupidity. It’s just how society is and always will be.

No one would say, “Thats so ‘gamer guy who has more videogames than friends,’” because it’s f*cking gay to say that. Gamers who have more video games than friends are gay, so just call them gay. No one is saying they are homosexuals. Its not homosexual to be a gamer or not have friends. It’s gay, which, as everyone but GLSEN knows, also means lame.

On top of that, the term “Gay” referring to homosexuals is slang itself. Gay started in the 50′s and was derogatory. Completely made up.

On top of all of this gayness, who in the F, is Hillary Duff to explain to ANYONE what they should or shouldn’t be doing. I mean, this is the plan of the ad agency to have us take this issue seriously? Like we are all going to be, “Oh Sh*t, Hillary Duff told us to “knock it off,” lets really consider it.” No, everyone with half a brain watched it and said, “That was so F*cking Gay.”

The one thing this ad campaign did sucessfully was draw out the use of the phrase, “That’s so gay.” They should have taken all of the money they spent on this ad campaign and did something that would really help the image of homosexuals. Like do a media blitz showing that not all gay people are as obnoxious and flamboyant as Perez Hilton, most are normal and cool and don’t have to affirm their sexuality out of context all the time. Read more »

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