Last night I was dragged out and forced to make an appearance at a night club for a friend’s birthday. God I hated the restaurant that is turned into a nightclub… remind me NEVER to do that again. Here are the 5 reasons why the place sucked balls.

The Door

5.  The Door.  I hated everything about getting into the place… it’s always a bigger production than it needs to be. They scan your ID with some device that most likely is stealing your personal information and checking to see if you have any warrants. Then there is the cover charge. What the f is this for? I know. Because as soon as I walk in and realize that I want nothing to do with the god awful place, you have already stolen my money.

The Drinks

4.  The Drinks.  On what planet is a Coors Light 9 bucks? How bout a 1 oz Kettle one and soda for 12 dollars?  It is absurd how much money is stolen from you at this point. Remember there was this cover charge you already shelled out, and here is more money stolen from you as well. Also the bartenders are models who can’t get modeling jobs.

I hate you.

This Guy

3.  This Guy. Oh my f’in god, can this guy please go away. There is an entire bottle of LA Looks in his hair, he has the whole bottle of Polo Sport on his chest and he just spilled his drink on my shoe.  Then he starts dancing, or whatever the hell you want to call it- fist are pumping’ and he is rubbing his dick on whatever walks by. Excuse me sir, can you get your Viagra induced hard-on away from me. Jesus- I need another 9 dollar Miller Light.

This Girl

2. This Girl. This girl needs to go too. Just fake chicks with no idea of life. Dressed like whores and then they start screaming rape at a moments notice because guy above has rubbed his d*ck on her.  Here is the main problem… guy mentioned above and this girl will wind up mating.  This is like the Keymaster and the Gatekeeper from Ghostbusters hooking up. The end of the world. But hey, it was funny as sh*t watching her bust her ass on the floor. Even funnier… no one even tried to help her up.

Last one after the jump

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