Eat a dick, Philly.

The birds are beginning to chirp again, the trees are looking to blossom and that wonderful game of baseball is back in full swing. Last year, the biggest name in American sports won their 27th world title, and now it’s looking like they are well on their way to their 28th. That’s right bitches, the Yankees.

One thing that I find funny, is that the whole country hates the Yankees with a passion. It’s like this- you are either a Yankee fan or you hate the Yankees more than anything. That’s fine with me, but you should find other things to hate on… like the Phillies.

The Yankees have helped make baseball go from its 2 billion a year business to its current almost 7 billion dollars in revenue. In that time, the Yankees have made themselves one of the most recognizable logos in the world and have turned themselves into a multi-billion dollar empire.

When the Yankees hit the road and visit other teams, the huge turnout by displaced Yankee fans is enormous. It helps tourism in these cities and helps with attendance in these ball parks. It’s always a site to see when there are more Yankee fans in Toronto than Blue Jay fans.

So why all the hate? The Yankees are good for baseball and good for baseball owners. Unless, you are in the top ten of payroll baseball teams, you welcome the Yankees coming to your town because it helps sell tickets and food.

I think the main reason people hate the Yankees is because a good chunk of Yankees fans are overzealous dirtbags. You don’t hate the team because they win, you hate the team because a friend of yours just won’t shut the hell up when they do.

It’s ok Pittsburgh Pirate fans, one day they will end that crappy organization and you can just resort to the Steelers for the entire year.

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I stumbled across some auditory AIDS over the weekend. You must hear it for yourself- Here Come The Yankees. Never before, after listening to a song, did I consider trying to get a mob together. I do think lynching is wrong, but I think we can now make an exception. I can’t wait for the two “stars” on this song to be innocent bystanders of a drive-by and this track is the only reason that their names are actually mentioned on the FOX local news.

The “artists” names on this dope jam is Fo Onassis and some girl named Mina who will never be Rhianna unless Chris Brown decides to slap her around too. They apparently can only write one verse and one chorus and let the CASIO synthesizer sample music play out the last forty seconds. As a fan of the Yankees, I found this song to be appalling and I hope the Steinbrenner family takes the appropriate action and sues them for everything they’ve got. Sure the Yankees don’t need the money, but I love the idea of the team ending whatever shitty life these posers currently have.

The lyrics are completely cringe inducing. Cringe is a wonderful feeling because you know that what you’re experiencing is wretched but you can’t tear yourself away from the complete train wreck that is going on before you. Sorry Mr. Onassis, you will never make it in the rap game if the best you can do for lyrics is the starting lineup for the Yankees.

What’s next, a salsa tune for the Mets lineup?

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