Michael Vick is back ladies and gentleman. The team that took him? The Philadelphia Eagles. I personally believe it’s a match made in heaven. A city that contains some of the worst people I have ever met now has a quarterback that they can be proud of. Eagle fans are legendary.

Please.... heeeeeelp...... me!!!!

If you have ever been to their games I have no doubt that you have noticed the Philly Nitrous Mafia. These are people that tailgate not only at Eagle games, but also, for any event in that area. These people pull up in vans, open their trunks, put nitrous oxide in balloons, sell them for $5 bucks a pop and people huff off them and get high in the parking lot.

What these idiots either don’t know or don’t care about is the fact that nitrious oxide actually is extremely dangerous. It cuts off oxygen to your brain, makes your lips turn blue, and it’s as close to the sensation of smoking crack that I have ever felt. Yes, I’m an ass and I tried it once just to see what all the hype was about.

These fans are also famous for throwing snowballs at Santa Claus and the city itself has one of the lowest high school graduate levels in the entire country. It really does sound like this is the perfect place for a classy guy that electrocuted dogs for kicks and ran an illegal underground dog fighting ring.

Don't forget to bring a towel

Also, their head coach, Andy Reid, some don’t remember this, but his son was running an entire cocaine and marijuana operation in his very own home. So Vick really is going to be in a place that will not only accept him with open arms but might even be able to throw him some extra work on the side if Donavan McNabb is able to keep his job this season.

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