"In Buffalo NY, a light dusting of snow hit the area... They *might* even have to delay school openings."

Last weekend a major snowstorm hit the east coast, panic filled the streets, and death was in the air. Well, at least that is what all the news programs made it sound like.

Why is it that every single time there is a snowstorm hitting an area everyone runs to the local store and stocks up on canned goods and water? It is only a foot of snow. I know that maybe you will be stuck home for a few hours, but I don’t see the water treatment plant shutting down.

I love how everyone runs out and gets a new shovel. When there is a major snowstorm, the news crews always hurry over and get that shot at Home Depot where every idiot is buying a shovel. What do these people do? Throw away their shovels as soon as they’re done shoveling?

Also, I was home and not one kid asked for money to shovel my driveway. God, today’s kids are soft. If there was a shoveling video game with online multiplayer they would be all over that crap in a second.

Places like Buffalo NY, where they get a foot here or there, every other day, they have to be laughing at us. The news predicts 6-8 inches and everyone starts to panic… meanwhile people in Buffalo don’t even notice when there is 6-8 inches of snow on their car. Speaking of snow and cars, the special windshield washer fluid that can help melt ice… why can’t it just be THE windshield washer fluid in the first place? One fluid, taking care of all problems.

And in closing you snowstorm speed demon assholes… just because you have 4WD does not mean that you can go 50 mph in the snow. Every damn time I see a Jeep Cherokee in a ditch during a storm, I laugh. Yeah, my Altima has 2WD, and handles like shit in the snow, but I’m not in a ditch… am I, Mr. Jeep?

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Real life Vampire couples? If they break up... who gets the coffin??

Something I’ve noticed today, more than any other day… is that the most popular horror film genre must be the vampire film.

Honestly? I don’t get it.  My girlfriend is currently on book number 3 of the hugely popular Twilight series, and then there is Vampire Diaries on CW, and Cirque Du Freak is in the theater currently. The next Twilight movie is out in a few weeks and True Blood just finished their second season with record breaking numbers on HBO.  Both the male/female leading couples of Twilight and True Blood are currently real life couples… ?

I know some of you are really into the idea of being a vampire.

Unfortunately, I bet it sucks.

Unless you live in a city like New York or Las Vegas, being a vampire must be pretty boring.  In most places, last call is 2 am, and in some other places it could be as early as midnight. Well, that sucks. You just woke up to wreak havoc on the living and they are all going to bed and you can only go into their home if they invite you.  Plus all activities are closed.  Can’t go to the movies, unless it’s the midnight show, but that crowd is usually way too vocal for me.  What if you were a vampire but you needed something from the store?  Unless you have a 24 hr Super Walmart in your neck of the woods you are going to be SOL.

Here is something I’ve always wondered- does blood type matter?  Can a vampire be allergic to a certain blood type? What if he/she attacks someone with Sickle Cell, does that mean they choke, and does the Heimlich maneuver even apply here?  Also, in the movies… vampires are seen eating things other than people. Garlic is in so many dishes.  You know how hard it would be to go out for dinner and ask for a dish with no garlic in it at all.  Plus is it only the cross that matters or would vampires suffer from the plus sign as well?

Good luck doing your taxes there Nosferatu.

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I stumbled across some auditory AIDS over the weekend. You must hear it for yourself- Here Come The Yankees. Never before, after listening to a song, did I consider trying to get a mob together. I do think lynching is wrong, but I think we can now make an exception. I can’t wait for the two “stars” on this song to be innocent bystanders of a drive-by and this track is the only reason that their names are actually mentioned on the FOX local news.

The “artists” names on this dope jam is Fo Onassis and some girl named Mina who will never be Rhianna unless Chris Brown decides to slap her around too. They apparently can only write one verse and one chorus and let the CASIO synthesizer sample music play out the last forty seconds. As a fan of the Yankees, I found this song to be appalling and I hope the Steinbrenner family takes the appropriate action and sues them for everything they’ve got. Sure the Yankees don’t need the money, but I love the idea of the team ending whatever shitty life these posers currently have.

The lyrics are completely cringe inducing. Cringe is a wonderful feeling because you know that what you’re experiencing is wretched but you can’t tear yourself away from the complete train wreck that is going on before you. Sorry Mr. Onassis, you will never make it in the rap game if the best you can do for lyrics is the starting lineup for the Yankees.

What’s next, a salsa tune for the Mets lineup?

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