My place in Jersey City. It's nice... right?

I grew up in a wealthy neighborhood and til this day I still don’t know how the hell my father pulled it off. We were not a rich family by any means so I concluded that my dad must have been smuggling heroin on the side to pay the mortgage.

As I grew older and started making enough to pay my way, I realized that I didn’t have the same “talents” my father had and I couldn’t afford to stay in the hood that I grew up in. Plus, I wanted to live closer to Manhattan.

I now live in Jersey City, the second largest city in New Jersey next to Newark. So now that I live in an area that I would describe as a little ghetto I would like to tell all of you that it is not all that bad.

For one, you never have to look good while leaving the house for anything. In the better suburbs you have to look decent when going out to town but in my neighborhood you don’t even really need to wear pants. Also, in my old town there was one liquor store… now I have 5. Yes, you read that right- 5 stores all within a 5 block radius.

Also, the liquor stores have every single type of booze available that you could ever want… in pocket sized bottles. Next to those 5 liquor stores are the 30 decadent 99 cent stores. I bet you would like to know just how much birthday shopping I get done while getting my 6 pack of Natty Light… wouldn’t you?

The somewhat ghetto isn’t really all that “cracked up” as it would appear. One issue I do have is that everyone yells at everyone else. What might seem like a fight is just a normal conversation, and when a conversation seems to be relatively aggressive I keep thinking, “Is this my chance to be an innocent bystander?” But then I simply remind myself that I live in a predominantly Spanish neighborhood and that yelling 24/7 is normal.

My biggest issue is that there is no real idea of food anywhere in sight. Everything is fast, fried, and cheap. You want a salad? Well, You are screwed. You might as well get on the parkway and go a few exits in either direction. But hell, the rent is cheap, and as long as you stay indoors, no one knows you’re even there.

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Jersey trash x's 8.

Over the past week a complete abomination aired on that channel that used to show music videos (MTV), The Jersey Shore. The show, which is basically The Real World at the beach, is a collection of quite possibly the worst people in America. I am from New Jersey and am saddened at the fact that this will represent my state for some time to come.

Sigh, now every time I travel and tell people I am from New Jersey, the first question that will creep out of their mouths will be, “Hey, you see that Jersey Shore show on MTV?”

“Jersey Shore furthers the popular TV notion that Italian-Americans are gel-haired, thuggish ignoramuses with fake tans, no manners, no diction, no taste, no education, no sexual discretion, no hairdressers (for sure), no real knowledge of Italian culture, and no ambition beyond expanding steroid-and silicone-enhanced bodies.” That was the New York Times review, and it is spot on. The show has now come under fire because of its portrayal of Italian-Americans. And the show now receiving boycotts, protests, and death threats- is now losing many of its commercial advertisers.

I say good. I’m sick of my state being rendered as a barren wasteland that smells and is full of people like the ones on Jersey Shore. When advertisers pull ads… that is a good thing to me because it means the show will not last. It all comes down to money and when Domino’s Pizza pulls out its money mainly because they don’t want to be associated with disparaging views of Italian-Americans that says something.

Because lets be honest, the Jersey Shore is the worse thing to happen to Italian-Americans since, well… Domino’s Pizza.

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In another wonderful case of  “I don’t know why the F this exists” a billboard of Hitler saluting with the words “Hitler is not dead” was forced to be covered in Thailand.  The billboard, which features the phrase in Thai, was in a series of advertisements for a new wax figure museum that was opening soon.  After numerous complaints the owners covered up the billboard and apologies were soon handed out by the truckloads.  I mean, if you are going to use Hitler as an advertisement, shouldn’t it be for a health care company?

What I find funny about all of this is: Imagine driving down the street. You read billboard after billboard.  “Hey, maybe I should eat there, or maybe I should see that movie” and then… BAM! HITLER.

The sick part of me wonders who sees it and thinks nothing of it. I mean it is Thailand. The driver is probably too busy thinking about what little boy they are about to purchase or what type of dog they want to eat for dinner.  Who the hell approved this?  Every major decision like this is usually done by a group. How did a group of people think putting Hitler on a billboard was a good idea?  I know, I know. You’re going to say that any publicity is good publicity, but at the same time- IT’S HITLER!!!!  I don’t think anyone wants to be noticed because they have any association with Hitler, which is the primary reason you have never met a single person named Adolf. Except those blatantly racist parents in New Jersey that made the news because of it and had their children taken away from them.

Finally, why the hell do wax museums exist in the first place?  Can you think of a dumber idea than lifelike alive/dead people?  In Manhattan, I sometimes find myself walking by Madam Tussauds and there is usually a fake Samuel L. Jackson standing on the street with some dumbass tourists taking a picture with him.  I have never been impressed with this crap.  They charge you an arm and a leg to look at fake people.

If I wanted to look at fake people and drop money on it, I think I would rather go to a strip club.

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The amount of product here alone raised the price $5 a barrel.

Is global warming a myth? I dunno, but oil prices are through the roof right now and I don’t think it’s because of P.Diddy’s gas guzzin’ ride or the war but more because of these douche bag pricks.

Seriously how much hair gel do you really need to make sure you look like a douche? With all that greasy, oily shit in your hair you make it so easy to give off that tool bag vibe. If you wanted to look like you stuck your finger in a socket, grow some balls and just do it, hopefully then you’d learn your lesson or there’d be one less of you guys putting all that oil in your nappy ass hair and making me pay $2.90 at the pump. I’m sure you think it’s cool, or stylin’ but it’s not…

As if making sure your hair is sticking up on it’s end isn’t crazy enough, some of you go another step as to even put some random sports branded headband which puts you into an entirely new level of douche-baggery.

Anyways I’m sure you’ll never change your ways, and you’ll just keep doing  jager bombs with your “bro-hans” and “bro-ettes” but seriously you look like a dick.

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