When his Facebook status had not been updated in over 24 hours... Brad's friends began to worry.
I have a Facebook page and that’s it. I check it about 2-3 times a day, mostly to see if I received any comments on any of the funny status updates that I posted earlier in the day. However, I have increasingly started to notice that with our internet connection now readily available on our phones… people are now more and more addicted to whatever “status” they need to update.
I bring this up because last night my girlfriend and I were having dinner at this great little sushi place, and the couple sitting next to our table were both texting furiously away on their i-phones. You could see that both of them were clearly on their Facebook/Twitter accounts… probably updating that they were out having sushi. There used to be a time that using the phone at the dinner table was rude behavior. Now if you’re not updating your status between bites you are losing out in the “status update race of life.”
If you are going to update constantly then give us some funny, amusing, interesting piece of information. “Hey, Erin and I are out at a sushi place and they don’t have burgers. What gives?” I say give people something to read that will make them scratch their head and say, “WTF?” Or DON’T BOTHER.
Kiss my ass @twitter. LOLZ!!
Also, stop sending me invites to events I don’t want to go to. That movie quiz was retarded. Never send me a quiz ever again. I am actually thinking about starting a Twitter account just to make fun of it. The other day I was walking into the mall and on the outside of the door there was a sign that says, “Follow us on Twitter.” Why the fu*k would I ever want to follow a mall on Twitter?
Does the mall update their status as well?
“Just had two cars stolen from my parking lot, LOL”
Forty years ago, two computer techs from UCLA and Stanford came up with an idea of sending information from two computers. One tech wrote the letters, L, then O, and then G. The other tech received the first two letters and the system crashed on the G attempt. This was the first ever instant message and, thus, the Internet was born. So now, let’s talk about the 5 awesome things about the Internet.
5. Cable modem. Remember dial up? Some of you do… some of you don’t. The younger ones probably have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, which is making me feel old.
All you young ones that get pissy at a page taking 10 seconds to load you don’t know how good you have it.
You spoiled brats!
4. Porn. This one is easy because buying and viewing porn used to be a dirty thing. Now it’s commonplace AND FREE!! It almost seems that if you are not looking at porn on the Internet… then what the hell are you doing on the net to begin with… Doing work? Reading for information? Shopping online? Banking? Submitting for scholarships? Taking an online college course?
What a waste of the technology.
3. YouTube. There was once a time when stupid kids who pretended to have a Jedi duel with themselves where only viewable if you were the unfortunate parent to walk in on them playing in the bedroom. Not anymore.
Also- what would this crazy little world be like without Youtube losers to mock and make fun of?
Now we all get to enjoy the crazy people of this world thanks to this amazing website.
See the last two after the jump Read more »
What If Tom From Myspace Joined Facebook? (Geek Pad Show)
Evil Genius Bar (Babelgum)
The Farting Bee (College Humor)
6 Movie Heros That Sucked At Their Jobs (Cracked.com)
This is actually a guy.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to be fat. A big ass is all the rage these days. I’m just saying, don’t lie about your figure. It’s right up there with those rubber bra-boosters and that weird bee-sting lip-gloss. It’s one thing to take a picture of yourself at a flattering angle, and another altogether to bleach out the photo until the only recognizable body part is a pair of eyes and some cleavage. Besides– bleach photos don’t make you look like angels, ladies… it just makes you look like that alien from Cocoon.
Update your pics! Listen, I had a six-pack and a discernible jaw line…. three years ago. Things change. I didn’t turn into James Spader but sh*t! At least I’m being honest. If your profile photo on Myspace is from before you started smoking and had a bunch of babies…you probably look a little different now.
My most recent pic
Guys… a few tips. If a girl only takes pictures of herself with her ugly friends, then she’s aware of the Theory of BootyRelativity. Adjust your monitor accordingly. If she’s in the back of a photo when a bunch of hot chicks are in front… she’s skillfully using their bodies to create hotness-by-proximity. This is a sneaky tactic. Be advised.
Giant sunglasses can be used to conceal lazy eyes, and dark colors are naturally slimming. If you can’t find the lines in her outfit, then it probably means she’s a circle… because circles go on forever. It’s a circle. Circle means fat.
Back to the ladies. As I see it, the only sure-fire way to be honest about your body, is to get buck-ass naked and snap away. I promise, I won’t think you’re a whore. I encourage and appreciate your honesty. You go girl. Empower yourself by living a life of truthiness and integrity. If you want to pose on some kind of backless couch, that’s cool too. I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.
Cropping, it’s a bitch ain’t it?