Hey, if it's free then it has to be good... right?

In these hard economic times, some fast food restaurants have resorted to giving away free food to attract customers. How does this make money you ask? Food is such high profit you can afford to get rid of it and when companies give away free food to one person they know that person usually is not going out by themselves.

This is effective marketing on their part because they will wind up making profit on the entire table while still comping the one entree. What these companies are giving away though are heart attack inducing grand slams and free chicken sandwiches for an entire year.

Chick-fil-A, a company I have never myself ever been a customer of, often has a great promotion for when they open a new store. If you are one of their first customers you get free chicken for the year. One idiot has camped out in front of their stores so successfully he has already won this contest 4 times.

The breakfast of champions! The champions of heart attacks...

Also, while I am at it, KFC has also now figured out people just want their fried chicken in a friendly take out conversion. Just a fried piece of chicken breast in a cardboard holder. And we wonder why we lead the world in obesity.

Please don’t fall for these tricks of the trade. They only want your money, they don’t really want to give you something for free. Plus, the free that they are giving you doesn’t have any nutritional value at all. These companies have figured out a way of making profit on you with a minimal purchase and make you feel like you have received your dollar’s worth.

Then when your cholesterol is through the roof and you have an outrageous hospital bill, thanks to your free grand slams, you wonder if it was really worth it. Say “cluck you” to places like Chic-fil-A and learn to cook… you will save so much money and possibly your life.

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I love Thanksgiving, next to Flag Day and Halloween, it’s one of my favorite holidays, but every year, things happen that just piss me off. Here are the top 5.

The Detroit Lions

5.  The Detroit Lions.  For some awful reason of tradition we are “treated” to watching the Detroit Lions play a football game on national television. The last time they won a Thanksgiving game was in 03, and they are usually the afternoon game. I would like to blame the Lions for why I get so drunk every year.

No football to watch, might as well attack this bottle of Knob Creek and laugh at the offense.

Crappy Wine

4.  Crappy Wine.  This happens all the time, and no one fesses up to it. You worked your ass off on this Thanksgiving meal and the best this person brought to the festivities is a White Zinfandel in a box.

Thanks, but I think will just use this to mop the floor with later. Or send it home with my drunk aunt and hope she regrets her dreadful hangover tomorrow. Which leads me to the next thing I hate about Thanksgiving.

Your Drunk Aunt

3.  “Your Drunk Aunt said WHAT!” This happens more than we like to see, but it’s a 100% guarantee. Your Aunt is there, she is drinking, and she is going to say some SH*T. She don’t care, she ain’t driving and you will listen to what needs to be said. Sure, your Great Uncle, who has been dead for 45 years, turned out to be a Nazi, but what does that have to do with the Lion game?

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