Anyone want to see a middle aged woman stomp and shuffle around on the dance floor like a flailing geriatric with an enema stuck in her ass? Well, then you’ve come to the right place! Somehow, Kate Gosselin has managed to make it to week 3 of Dancing With The Stars and from the looks of her most recent graceful performance she’s well on her way out the door.

Check out her shittastic dancing below:

I guess my first question for Kate is- what cross dressing prostitute did you steal your wig from? That shit looked like she came across some roadkill and decided to make a hat out of it.

Also, why does she move and shuffle across the dance floor the same way that people do when they stand in line for a roller coaster? I almost felt like I was back in Florida waiting in line at Islands of Adventure for the Hulk. At least when I was done waiting in line I had a GREAT time on the Hulk. The last time I watched someone move this poorly was when Terrie Schiavo took the media spotlight by storm. Even in Schiavo’s current state she still has better moves than Kate Gosselin.

Why is it when you Google Buzz Aldrin's name... this picture of Kate comes up??

And what’s up with that skirt lift around the 1:24 mark? Please Kate, we don’t need to see the garage door that popped out 8 soon-to-be bastards. Poor Buzz Aldrin got kicked off that episode, and as much as grandpa was no longer needed on the show, we really need Kate to go home as soon as possible. Not just because she is an AWFUL dancer, but mainly because she has 8 freakin’ kids who are all about to get their asses kicked because mommy can’t do a simple two-step.

One last thing… will someone please introduce Kate to an African American or Latina and have them teach her some moves, and by moves, I’m not just talking about dancing. Black and Latina women don’t put up with any crap and could show Kate how to take care of a scumbag like Jon.

Penis glued to own chest, anyone?

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Tastes just like chicken

New Haven, CT police, using cadaver sniffing dogs, quickly realized that Yale student Annie Le had died.   Officials explained, “Since Annie Le is Korean, the sound of our dogs sniffing would have immediately made her sniff, salivate and say, ‘When’s dinner ready?’ When we didn’t hear her, we knew she was deader than the doornail she was stuffed behind.”

"Nobody puts baby in the corner!"

At the time of his death, Patrick Swayze was working on a film called “Dirty Directing.”  Patrick played a funeral director who, upon seeing where a family placed their dead daughter’s casket, exclaims “No one puts a body in the corner!”

"Thank GOD we used protection, honey!"

Ray Clark, the lab technician jailed for murdering a Yale student has received his first fan letter in jail—from Kate Gosselin.  Kate gushed, “I’m writing because I heard your job at Yale was to dispose of litters of useless lab mice and, you have experience in killing Asians.  Well, I have an ex-gook husband and a useless litter of eight I want you to dispose of…PRONTO!”

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Sound the alarms, because the haters are out in full force.  And this time Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate plus eight fame, is the lucky target.

This just in: Jon Gosselin grew a pair

If you have somehow managed to not breathe in the past six months, then you were lucky enough to miss the media’s annihilation of Jon Gosselin.  The sweater vest wearing clean cut dad traded in his argyle for Ed Hardy and swapped his squeaky clean, emasculated image for a much more douchier likeness.  And we’re happy to see it.

Jon’s transformation has been a secret victory for men nationwide.  For far too long, we’ve all had to bear witness to the verbal harassment levied on Jon from his bitch of a wife, Kate.  To put it softly, Kate Gosselin is a succubus.  She bosses Jon around, berates him in front of their eight children, and sucked the masculinity out of him.  For the first few season of their television show it seemed as if Jon could handle the abuse and smile through it.  But in the most recent seasons you can clearly see the cumulative effect the constant nagging, snapping comments, being cut off mid sentence, and condescending remarks have had on the poor man.

You can check out a perfect example of this after the jump: Read more »

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