Yes, ladies and gents... THIS is how you shoot up properly!

I have few simple pleasures in life: a little baseball, a cool breeze, and a hot dose. Yes, folks, I do enjoy a little heroin here and there. It really is the bees knees. If you haven’t tried it yet, you do not know what you’re missing out on. It’s one of the rare drugs that gives you an amazing high and doesn’t shut down your motor skills.

Heroin is actually more like a superfuel and makes the body work better. Take all you know about heroin, which for me is from Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream, and throw it out the window. Also, if you are a first timer to the wonderful world of shared needles and filthy veins, then let me tell you that we all have some help now… thanks to the New York State Department of Public Health.

The NYSDPH, I don’t know if that is how they shorten their name, but damn it that’s what I’m using, released a pamphlet of 10 tips to doing heroin safer back in 2007, and it’s just now finally being talked about on the news.

In case you are wondering… this pamphlet was approved while Elliot Spitzer was in office. Man that guy knew how to party. You would actually think that a safer heroin pamphlet would only be approved by a blind man (current NY Gov. Paterson). I love this pamphlet so much, it really gets down to the nitty gritty and doesn’t sugar coat anything.  For example, tip number 1 is- “Don’t Overdose” and I couldn’t agree more. Overdosing sucks and I don’t recommend it to anyone.

The other ten tips are really helpful as well. Don’t share your needles, as much as sharing is caring, sharing AIDS is not caring at all. You should take care of your veins, and I’ve always said you take care of your veins and your veins will take care of you (wink wink). You should get tested and see your doctor about hepatitis and your HIV status, cause we all know heroin users all have full health care coverage.

I have to disagree with tip number 9, which asks to get treatment for depression. If you are doing heroin how does that equal depression? It’s clearly the other way around bucko! My favorite tip is tip number 10, which says to ask for help to stop using.  See, the most pointless part of heroin, the whole stoppage of use part, is saved for last.

What I want to know is how come there is no part on the pamphlet about purchasing? There is no tip about finding a reputable dealer nor are there tips on making sure they are not an undercover police officer.

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