This weekend marks the opening of the Harry Potter section at Islands of Adventure and all the dweebs running off to Hogwarts are in a frenzy!
I have not read any of these shitty books but I have seen these shitty movies and I can only assume that this will be a shitty park. Hey, I don’t care if you fairies want to ride around on brooms and wear hats that tell you what gang you belong to. Come to my hood and the Latin Kings will show Slytherin what’s up.
The park has butterbeer and disgusting flavors of jellybeans that include earwax and vomit. The only time anyone should eat earwax and vomit is when they are down on their luck and doing snuff porno flicks. Which is where Hermione will be heading after the Deathly Hollows ends its run.
Want to look like a total idiot in the 100 degree heat? Well you can purchase a wizard robe for 100 bucks and an “official” wand for 30. Just think for the low, low price of 130 dollars PLUS your admission price you can walk around in the sweltering Florida heat looking like a total douchebag.
There are redesigned roller coasters and water rides which I’m sure will have a longer wait than the Gulf cleanup effort. Hopefully, those redheaded twins who are clearly drug dealers… will come around with something that will make this experience somewhat enjoyable.
Yes, I will be seeing all this crap next weekend, so hopefully I will save the 300 dollars for my very own Firebolt before then. What will I do with it you ask? Find the CEO of BP and shove it up his English ass of course… now pass me another butterbeer.