Coming soon to a Garage Sale near you!

See that plastic guitar collecting dust in the corner of the living room.  Yeah, that one, it’s right next to the fake drum set, the folded up one, because you now own the new drum set with cymbals, so the old four pad model is already outdated.  The microphone went missing months ago, and you never invested for another guitar simply because no one ever wants to play bass.  Now thanks to those geniuses over at the guitar hero empire they have now decided that you need a new toy you are not going to play with in a few months.

That’s right boys and girls, now we have DJ Hero, the latest attempt by the gaming companies to make you plop down another $100 bucks on a video game.  DJ hero finally proves the point that I’ve been trying to make for years- that DJ’s have no real talent to begin with.

I wonder if you have to wear headphones on your head while you play the game as well.  I understand why they did this, not everyone likes rock music, but a whole turntable set seems like a bit much.  The whole idea is three buttons, a mix switch, and being able to scratch away.  It’s all plastic and most likely made by Korean children and will possibly be the most wanted game this Christmas.  What’s next? Violin Hero? Play some Itzhak Perlman on expert or how about Banjo Hero and show those dudes from Deliverance who’s the boss.

You know what I can’t wait for?  Rave parties controlled by a video game.  Some loser inviting a few of his friends over, they pop some X and blast the night away.  Glow sticks everywhere, Newport cigarettes and Winterfresh wrappers all over the floor.  I wonder if this lifestyle is relayed in the game?  In the Guitar Hero universe they show this fake band making it from the garage to the big time.  I wonder if DJ Hero really shows what it is like…  You start as a drug dealer in Detroit, and play all night parties, and later  die of a drug overdose right before your MTV show about addiction airs.

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I have an Xbox and a Wii and I love them dearly. I grew up with Video games, like all of you, but lately I am finding myself more and more annoyed with them than anything else. Here are the top 5 things that are really bothering me with something that I do enjoy every once in a while.

$60.00 Video Games

Number Five: Video Game Prices. Why the hell are video games 60 bucks?  This has never been explained to me.  When we were kids the cartidge games were the same prices.  Now everything is on a disc.  Wouldn’t that make the products cheaper?  Now I’m sure there is someone that could explain this to me, but I want to know why this game is 20 bucks and this game is 60.  Cause the worst part is you wind up beating the game in a week or two and take it back to Game Stop to trade it in for like 10 bucks, which brings me to number 2.

Game Stop Employees

Number Four: GameStop Employees. I hate Game Stop.  They are everywhere and it’s the same douchbag in every store.  Some dweeb who really wants to change his legal name to his online name.  My name is John but you can call me DarthMaul227. You ask them a question and they roll their eyes like you are some moron.  “UMMM, NO SIR, this game does not require you to have an HDTV, it’s not like the companies NEED you to have one,” he says as he spits on me. I just immediately imagine knocking that c*cksucker out right there on the spot.

Online Gamers

Number Three: People who live online. Their entire life is summed up in their Call of Duty kill count.  They play for 17 hours a day.  They are all wastes of air.  The worst part is when you are a casual gamer and go online to try to have fun, and these losers curse you out and call you names while wearing that little radio headset. They are usually under the age of 15, racist, and tell you to suck him like you play Guitar Hero. Read more »

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