Last night I was dragged out and forced to make an appearance at a night club for a friend’s birthday. God I hated the restaurant that is turned into a nightclub… remind me NEVER to do that again. Here are the 5 reasons why the place sucked balls.

The Door

5.  The Door.  I hated everything about getting into the place… it’s always a bigger production than it needs to be. They scan your ID with some device that most likely is stealing your personal information and checking to see if you have any warrants. Then there is the cover charge. What the f is this for? I know. Because as soon as I walk in and realize that I want nothing to do with the god awful place, you have already stolen my money.

The Drinks

4.  The Drinks.  On what planet is a Coors Light 9 bucks? How bout a 1 oz Kettle one and soda for 12 dollars?  It is absurd how much money is stolen from you at this point. Remember there was this cover charge you already shelled out, and here is more money stolen from you as well. Also the bartenders are models who can’t get modeling jobs.

I hate you.

This Guy

3.  This Guy. Oh my f’in god, can this guy please go away. There is an entire bottle of LA Looks in his hair, he has the whole bottle of Polo Sport on his chest and he just spilled his drink on my shoe.  Then he starts dancing, or whatever the hell you want to call it- fist are pumping’ and he is rubbing his dick on whatever walks by. Excuse me sir, can you get your Viagra induced hard-on away from me. Jesus- I need another 9 dollar Miller Light.

This Girl

2. This Girl. This girl needs to go too. Just fake chicks with no idea of life. Dressed like whores and then they start screaming rape at a moments notice because guy above has rubbed his d*ck on her.  Here is the main problem… guy mentioned above and this girl will wind up mating.  This is like the Keymaster and the Gatekeeper from Ghostbusters hooking up. The end of the world. But hey, it was funny as sh*t watching her bust her ass on the floor. Even funnier… no one even tried to help her up.

Last one after the jump

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Jersey trash x's 8.

Over the past week a complete abomination aired on that channel that used to show music videos (MTV), The Jersey Shore. The show, which is basically The Real World at the beach, is a collection of quite possibly the worst people in America. I am from New Jersey and am saddened at the fact that this will represent my state for some time to come.

Sigh, now every time I travel and tell people I am from New Jersey, the first question that will creep out of their mouths will be, “Hey, you see that Jersey Shore show on MTV?”

“Jersey Shore furthers the popular TV notion that Italian-Americans are gel-haired, thuggish ignoramuses with fake tans, no manners, no diction, no taste, no education, no sexual discretion, no hairdressers (for sure), no real knowledge of Italian culture, and no ambition beyond expanding steroid-and silicone-enhanced bodies.” That was the New York Times review, and it is spot on. The show has now come under fire because of its portrayal of Italian-Americans. And the show now receiving boycotts, protests, and death threats- is now losing many of its commercial advertisers.

I say good. I’m sick of my state being rendered as a barren wasteland that smells and is full of people like the ones on Jersey Shore. When advertisers pull ads… that is a good thing to me because it means the show will not last. It all comes down to money and when Domino’s Pizza pulls out its money mainly because they don’t want to be associated with disparaging views of Italian-Americans that says something.

Because lets be honest, the Jersey Shore is the worse thing to happen to Italian-Americans since, well… Domino’s Pizza.

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The Do’s & Don’ts (Vice Land)

When Ice Skating Goes Wrong (UnCoached)

Spray Tanned Potty Mouth (This Is Why It Sucks)

We Evolved From Primates (Wuss Up Hater)

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The amount of product here alone raised the price $5 a barrel.

Is global warming a myth? I dunno, but oil prices are through the roof right now and I don’t think it’s because of P.Diddy’s gas guzzin’ ride or the war but more because of these douche bag pricks.

Seriously how much hair gel do you really need to make sure you look like a douche? With all that greasy, oily shit in your hair you make it so easy to give off that tool bag vibe. If you wanted to look like you stuck your finger in a socket, grow some balls and just do it, hopefully then you’d learn your lesson or there’d be one less of you guys putting all that oil in your nappy ass hair and making me pay $2.90 at the pump. I’m sure you think it’s cool, or stylin’ but it’s not…

As if making sure your hair is sticking up on it’s end isn’t crazy enough, some of you go another step as to even put some random sports branded headband which puts you into an entirely new level of douche-baggery.

Anyways I’m sure you’ll never change your ways, and you’ll just keep doing  jager bombs with your “bro-hans” and “bro-ettes” but seriously you look like a dick.

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