Just like their vacuums this product SUCKS too.

I’m going to file this under things we never asked for and will never buy.  The Dyson Company, who for the record makes the best f’in vacuum in the world, released their long awaited bladeless fan.  What is it you ask?  A ten to twelve inch round ring like device that is supposedly the future of the fan.  Now, if it works, I guess that it’s cool and all, but, seriously who is this for?

To begin, the device is not called a fan, it is an Air Multiplier.  This is just ridiculous, it kind of reminds me of the old Fig Newton ads.  “It’s not a cookie, it’s a Fig Newton.” I still think it’s just a cookie.  Now, here is where I ask the big question, how the hell can someone possibly multiply air? It’s not like the device will sit in your room and the air will increase by 3x or 4x, that is just impossible.  The air really is being moved from inside the ring to the outside, so technically it should be known as a air mover, or what we already have a fancy term for, a f’in fan.

But a fan isn’t fancy enough, no, not enough at all.  This is such a product for yuppie scumbags.  “Oh darling, don’t you love our air multiplier, I can’t imagine our life back in the dark times of a fan again.”

All of this technology doesn’t come cheap.  $300 bucks.  I have a fan, it’s for the bedroom, and its about double the size of this multiplier crap and it was $29.95.  Now, anyone that is willing to drop $300 on a fan, most likely has central air, or even perhaps a good old room air conditioner.  People that would most likely need to have a fan, sorry, Air Multiplier, could not afford this one.  Did you notice in the video, no one’s hair is blowing around?  You would think for $300 dollars, you could at least get some power.

If I am going to spend $300 bucks on a fan, sorry, really trying here, Air Multiplier, I want to be able to recreate my favorite scenes from Twister.

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October is my favorite month thanks to Halloween, the World Series, and Football.  But this time of the year also brings about a class of individual that I really could do without- The Fake Sports Fan.

These people always seem to stumble out of their cells about now, especially during the baseball playoffs, and every given Sunday.  They want to be social, they want to feel a part of something. That’s nice. Speaking for the general sport loving public… please STAY HOME!

F you POSERS!!!

These people are very easy to pick out and I absolutely loathe them.  The first indicator is a fresh hat.  If the hat looks like it was just picked up that afternoon most likely you are dealing with a fair-weather.  They also never know things that, to me, are very basic rules of the game. For example, the second out occurs and this person thinks it’s the end of the inning.  They think Mark Teixeira’s first name is Monk, that a web gem is the diamond Spider Man gave to Mary Jane, and they never know what’s going on! You ask the guy what just happened, and it follows as “The guy hit it and the other guy caught it.” Thanks, you should replace John Kruk on Baseball Tonight.

Another issue I have… just because you are from a particular area does not make you a fan of that team.  I have seen this numerous times, especially people from Boston.  I’ll watch a Yankee and Sox game and some guy will be cheering for the Sox simply because he is from Boston.  He has no idea who is on the team but he is clapping along anyway like an idiot.  I know the Red Sox line up very well and when you cannot name three players on the team you are clapping for… you are not a fan!

Keepin' it real Bitches!!

The greatest examples of the fake fan are celebrities.  Now there are a few exceptions to the rule, well, actually only two: Jack Nicholson and Spike Lee.  Those two are as die-hard as they come.  Spike Lee was ready to fight Reggie Miller and Jack Nicholson refused to wear a Red Sox hat while filming The Departed.  The rest can please stay in their mansions- with their fresh hats, brand new jerseys that still have the official merchandise tags, while sipping on some Mimosas from the downstairs bar. These people are the holy grail of the fair weather fan.

Just once I want to see a bat fly into the stands and force some movie or show to be re-cast.

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