Imagine, if you will.  It’s a lovely Sunday afternoon.  You have just left church, or just woken up from a long night of partying.  Either way, you feel miserable.  You need something to look forward to.  You need a delicious meal to fill you in places the Holy Spirit simply cannot.  You need white-meat chicken.  You need waffle fries.

You need Chick-Fil-A.

We’ve all been there.  It’s called the Sunday Letdown.  There’s nothing in this crazy world you could possibly crave more on a Sunday afternoon than a Chick-Fil-A combo meal.  Maybe even one of their mouth-watering milkshakes.  All of it, shake included, smothered in Polynesian sauce.  This is the ideal Sunday lunch – bar none.

Closed Sunday

And nobody can have it.

It’s one of those rare comic tragedies.  Similar in fashion to that Twilight Zone episode where the last man alive breaks his glasses, and can’t read any books.  Only this is very real, and far worse.  Who needs books, if you can’t have any chicken?

In-store displays credit their Sunday closings to Christian values.  A quote is highlighted from founder S. Truett Cathy:

“Our decision to close on Sunday was our way of honoring God and directing our attention to things more important than our business.”

Some Christian he is.  Has he even read the Bible?  If he did, he might see it differently.  Take for instance, this passage:

“Give the people chicken.  Even on Sundays.” (Luke 5:12)

Or this one, while we’re at it:

“Ye must have a dollar menu.  What kind of fast-food chain doesn’t have a freakin’ dollar menu, anyway?  Seriously.” (Numbers 9:4)

The Face of Evil

Seeing how business is handled at Chick-Fil-A, you really have to wonder about their values.  Are they a Christian-run franchise, dedicated to friendly service and quality food?  Or are they running an operation based on greed and manipulation?  Just like the apple from Eden, there is a distinct evil lurking in the deliciousness of Chick-Fil-A.  It tastes far too good to be holy.

At this point in history, though, it might be too much to ask Chick-Fil-A to open its doors on Sundays.  The change might trigger a cosmic disturbance.  Maybe, just maybe, the Good Lord did not intend for us to eat such juicy chicken on the Sabbath.  This way, come Monday, we will appreciate that chicken all the more.  Perhaps.

But, come on – no dollar menu?  Get with the program, Chick-Fil-A.  For God’s sake.

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Oh no, the tit feeding squad is on high alert.

The International Breastfeeding Symbol

Management at an Orlando area Chick-Fil-A is under the gun after asking an area woman to cover up while breast feeding her six month year old child.  Although the woman kindly obliged, she returned home to do what any other bitchy woman would do.  She complained to her friends.

Armed with bitterness and some of her closest friends, the group of women staged a ‘nurse-in’ at the Chick-Fil-A to protest the management’s decision and to illustrate that the practice of tit-feeding is protected under the law.  The Chic-Fil-A manager apologized for the incident and also announced that the restaurant will proudly display the international breastfeeding symbol in their establishment.

That’s right the international breastfeeding symbol.  The pinnacle of political correctness.

The International Dickfeeding Symbol

It seems a little beyond outrageous to expect businesses to place a tit-feeding logo on their door to entice mothers with suckling babies. As a matter of fact, I hope this logo deters a majority of the population from attending these establishments.  The last thing someone wants to experience when they go out for a nice steak would be the lovely sound of a baby ears deep in some boobage.

In protest of this political correctness,  I’m demanding that businesses everywhere place the International Dickfeeding symbol on their door as subtle middle-finger to the political correctness plaguing this great nation.

Alright, I’ll concede that the International Dickfeeding logo will probably not catch on, but there is atleast one thing that Chic-Fil-A can take away from this experience.  And it is something that every man across the globe already knows.  There is only one thing worse than a very pissed off woman.  And that’s a group of very pissed off women.

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