"Hurry! It's in the DILDO DRAWER kids, the dildo drawer!!!"

I am not a religious person, but please do not take this blog as a hate of Christ rising or anything. I am more hating on this whole Easter tradition that has nothing to do with the actual holiday.

There are many questions I have always had in regards to that entire weekend. Jesus gets the shit beat out of him and nailed to a cross and it’s known as Good Friday, then he raises to the heavens on the following Sunday and we hide eggs?

I also want to know why the hell are those marshmallow chickens considered Easter fare? Also, that Cadbury bunny with his smug expression… what’s his deal? Why are the beginning stages of the onset of diabetes brought together with Easter weekend?

Also, the whole Easter bonnet thing and eating a big roast? It’s like you go 40 days without one vice in your life and then at the conclusion of the 40 days you can have the biggest damn piece of meat you can find and then wear a stupid hat?

I hate hiding eggs. It’s pointless fun. Because you can never REALLY hide the eggs- there are children trying to find them. It’s not like you can bury the eggs in the backyard or hide them in the dildo drawer in the bedroom. I would like to try to really cause havoc in the house by declaring,”Kids there is one egg in the house… it’s painted blue and you have one minute to find it or the bunny dies.”

If Minute to Win It takes this idea I’m suing for a million.

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