"Hehehe, are we D-List or Z-List Kellan??"

I, as many of you know, absolutely loathe the Twilight series. As far as I’m concerned I don’t care which team wins and I really hope Bella ends up on Lawrence Taylor’s list of contacts on his cell phone. The whole saga is hopefully coming to an end with the release of Breaking Dawn next year.

While surfing the net last night I stumbled upon what I thought was great news: Filming of Breaking Dawn to be delayed. I was happier than an Ethiopian next to an anthill but my jubilation was quickly subdued when I discovered the reason.

It turns out the dispute is over some bit players from the franchise demanding more money or else they will not do the final chapter. The bit players in question are two of the other Cullen siblings… most likely the two who do the least. Iron Man dropped Terrence Howard from Iron Man 2, and he was an Academy Award nominated actor. When no one, and I repeat, no one knows your actual name, you have no right to demand more money.

I hope the producers drop these two punks off the series to teach them a lesson. They make more money than I could possibly imagine on one movie and it’s not like they will not be able to get a job after Twilight is over. In fact, this display is probably going to hurt their careers more than it helps. What’s the over/under on one of these tards being found dead in a lake sometime soon?

What are the chances of them doing porn to pay for the utility bill later in life once they destroy their fledgling careers? Good luck on re-negotiating the 200 dollars for that anal scene.

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Wake up B*tch!!! You are NOT Juliet!!!

In a relationship, there are many sacrifices. Sometimes you go to a party you want nothing to do with, or maybe you are forced to participate in activities that if your friends saw you participating in they would take photographs and try to blackmail you. Such an activity happened to me over the week, I saw New Moon. The second part of the Twilight saga which has made more money from 16 year old screaming girls than birth control. My girlfriend really enjoys the books and so I was dragged, kicking and screaming, to this crap.

To begin, I am not on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I more belong to Team “I don’t give a rats ass about Bella.” If you don’t know the saga, I will sum it up as such- a werewolf and a vampire are both fighting over the same bad actress. Kristen Stewart is a complete train wreck as the heroine of the story… to such a point that I considered doing heroin to try to enjoy her “performance.” I don’t know what would be the name of her acting style but I think it’s very close to an epileptic fit. She blinks more than a retarded child staring at the sun and her idea of inner suffering is to literally scream in her dreams. I never laughed so hard.

As far as the rest of the film is concerned, I don’t get it. I don’t think I’m supposed to get it. The nice wolf kid Jacob is a swell enough fella who just can’t figure out that he’ll never be THE GUY. The guy being Edward. Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward as James Dean after the accident, is clearly only good at one thing- leaving snail trails at the junior prom. The whole thing is pretty retarded and how the hell was it over 2 hours long? That’s another thing- I must have checked my watch more times than the last time I spoke with my mother on the phone.

All in all, I’d rather see the other disaster movie currently in theaters… 2012.  At least I can laugh at it and not feel like I’m completely wasting my time.

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