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Posts tagged ‘brad pitt’

In case you haven’t heard about it- the beginnings of Facebook are coming to a theater near you. The film, entitled The Social Network, arrives on October 1st and I hope it’s a huge giant massive-ass flop.

Facebook Sex

There's a lot of people Masturbating...

Remember kids… if this shit makes money then we get the Myspace and Twitter movies to complete the trilogy. Which I’m sure they’ll cast the talented stars from the Twilight films in them… who can’t even memorize more than 160 characters per scene.

What the hell could the plot of this stupid film even be about? The guy who invented Facebook stole the idea from someone else and that guy defriends him? I wonder how long the main character will be able to leave his relationship status as single until his girlfriend makes him change it to “In a Relationship.”

I wonder if there will be a tagged photo of one of the main characters but they are not even in it. The rest of the film is one man’s desperate search though all of his friends’ pictures to see if they were tagged in anything else to ensure that everyone from high school never learns what a fatass he has become? Or maybe it’ll be about stupid Facebooking tweens catching their crushes “stalking” their pages with the help of their ultra cool Facebook tracker! Or maybe they’ll even stumble upon a photo of their mother making out with their Uncle Steve at a drunken party.

Does any of this sound exciting? FUCK NO. I wonder if while the movie is running you can see the notifications in the upper left corner go off and the chat run on the bottom of the screen. I will not see this shitbag movie and I don’t care that David Fincher is the director. His last movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, was such a complete bore it’s no wonder that his following movie is about fucking Facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg has already made enough money off of selling your personal information to outside sources… don’t make the little bitch even richer. DO NOT SEE THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MOVIE!!



Brad Pitt is a Robot

by PizzaBagel on September 2nd, 2009

With the release of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, Brad Pitt has once again shown the world why he is “the man.”  He’s married to the most beautiful woman ever.  He’s got more money than anyone could possibly need.  And, in nearly all of his movies, he simply kicks ass.  In his latest release, he kicks Nazi ass – and lots of it.

A two-time “Sexiest Man Alive,” Pitt obviously has his health and good looks going for him as well.  All things considered, Brad Pitt truly has everything a man could ask for.  It’s only fitting, then, that he’s not a man at all.

That’s right.  Brad Pitt is a robot.

Now, I’m no scientist or robot expert.  But there’s no dancing around it.  There are no other logical explanations for Brad Pitt’s talent and successes.  He is a robot – and a bitchin’ robot at that.

And cousin, robot business is a-boomin'

And cousin, robot business is a-boomin'

Don’t be alarmed, though.  He’s not the first.  Robots have been around for a while now, living the lives that mortal men fantasize about.  Mick Jagger is a robot.  Michael Jordan is a robot, too.  Will Smith may or may not be a robot.  But Brad Pitt…he’s a definite.

Let’s just run down his career, shall we?

Pitt has starred in badass movies like Fight Club, Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve Monkeys, and Se7en, stealing every scene with ease.  He’s been married to Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.  He currently has six kids – yes, six kids – and still manages to kick Nazi ass in his free time.

I’m honestly surprised that his cold, metal interior is still a secret to the world.  No humans are that awesome.

But the truth is, I’m thankful for all the robots out there.  With perfection embodied and broadcast to the world, normal people have something to aspire to.  We can learn from the robots.  Granted, I haven’t a clue where they came from, or what they were actually designed to do.  The possibilities are rather frightening.

For now, though, I have no problem with idolizing these machines.  Hell, if being a robot would get me to Angelina Jolie, then sign me up.




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