October is my favorite month thanks to Halloween, the World Series, and Football.  But this time of the year also brings about a class of individual that I really could do without- The Fake Sports Fan.

These people always seem to stumble out of their cells about now, especially during the baseball playoffs, and every given Sunday.  They want to be social, they want to feel a part of something. That’s nice. Speaking for the general sport loving public… please STAY HOME!

F you POSERS!!!

These people are very easy to pick out and I absolutely loathe them.  The first indicator is a fresh hat.  If the hat looks like it was just picked up that afternoon most likely you are dealing with a fair-weather.  They also never know things that, to me, are very basic rules of the game. For example, the second out occurs and this person thinks it’s the end of the inning.  They think Mark Teixeira’s first name is Monk, that a web gem is the diamond Spider Man gave to Mary Jane, and they never know what’s going on! You ask the guy what just happened, and it follows as “The guy hit it and the other guy caught it.” Thanks, you should replace John Kruk on Baseball Tonight.

Another issue I have… just because you are from a particular area does not make you a fan of that team.  I have seen this numerous times, especially people from Boston.  I’ll watch a Yankee and Sox game and some guy will be cheering for the Sox simply because he is from Boston.  He has no idea who is on the team but he is clapping along anyway like an idiot.  I know the Red Sox line up very well and when you cannot name three players on the team you are clapping for… you are not a fan!

Keepin' it real Bitches!!

The greatest examples of the fake fan are celebrities.  Now there are a few exceptions to the rule, well, actually only two: Jack Nicholson and Spike Lee.  Those two are as die-hard as they come.  Spike Lee was ready to fight Reggie Miller and Jack Nicholson refused to wear a Red Sox hat while filming The Departed.  The rest can please stay in their mansions- with their fresh hats, brand new jerseys that still have the official merchandise tags, while sipping on some Mimosas from the downstairs bar. These people are the holy grail of the fair weather fan.

Just once I want to see a bat fly into the stands and force some movie or show to be re-cast.

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"I can't take anymore losses!!!!"

This past baseball season, I have never felt as bad for a baseball team as the NY Mets. Their season was plagued with injuries, hell even Mr. Met needed Tommy John surgery. To make matters worse, their financial system was beginning to look like their record after the all-star break.

The Mets are owned by the Wilpon family and during the past year were reported that they might have to sell the team due to investments with Bernie Madoff. The reported sum was $750 million dollars. Now, according to court reports, The Mets actually MADE 48 million dollars. Now the Mets have the unfortunate feeling of walking into a courtroom where very angry people are demanding their money back, slipping to the front of the line and walking out with a check. Wouldn’t want to be the Wilpon’s limo driver that day.

I would have been happy if the $750 million dollar loss actually happened. It would have taught them a lesson. If a $750 million dollar loss was possible, and you would have to sell the team if you lose on the investment, why would you still invest the money to begin with? You already have acquired billions of dollars, own a sports franchise and maybe even a 1 bedroom in downtown Manhattan, why this need to invest more?

Well… maybe he wanted a parking spot.

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