Like I’ve always said, marriage is useless and almost as stupid as global warming. Al and Tipper Gore finally woke up out of their collective comas and realized they didn’t need each other any more. Who really cares?

Who gets the internet and that stupid Nobel thing?

The big question everyone is asking is what the hell happened and when is it cool for Tipper to start seeing Bill? I personally believe Al has fallen in love with the planet and forgot about his wife. You can’t really blame him. I mean, seriously, the planet is so hot right now! I am guessing the planet is mad at Al for keeping the marriage going for as long as he has.

You think it’s just a coincidence that the oil has not stopped spewing out of the Gulf? I bet once the divorce is finalized, the oil will stop, and the planet and Al will get an apartment together next week.

I wonder who gets sole possession of the summer house in Antarctica? Does Tipper now get the Oscar for Best Documentary and try to hock it at the local pawn shop? After 40 years of marriage to a walking corpse, you would think Tipper would want the defibrillator they kept in the bedroom.

No one even gives a shit about who gets the kids. Everyone just wants to know who’s getting global warming and who’s getting PMRC. Al better watch his back because rumor has it that Tipper has already called Google to find out how much half the internet is worth.

Hopefully, Al will get to keep his useless “facts” and “graphs” of all that climate bullshit because the only thing really warming up right now is Tipper’s hot box.

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The polar bears are fine. Let's drill, baby, drill!!!

I’m getting sick of goin’ green. I’m sick of all these cars with their high fuel efficiency and I’m getting tired of these mother f’in polar bears. Damn hippies and scientists are trying to convince all of us that the planet is being destroyed by our thirst for power but what the planet does not understand is that it needs us, we do not need it.

Read the article- DECIDE FOR YOURSELF if you think it’s a scam or not.

Follow me here… The planet was here for like, 3000 years, and we have been here the entire time, you know- creationism. How come it’s just happening now? Before the Industrial Revolution there are recorded moments of hurricanes and really hot and cold days as well. After the Industrial Revolution, the same weather has occurred.

This is not rocket science people, the planet is fine, the people are f’ed. Why should I even care about animals when the fact that keeping them alive is keeping us from getting cheaper oil? So a few polar bears die, so a few ice shelfs break off from thousand year old glaciers, what does any of this have to do with human beings?

Finally, lets all agree on one thing. These high tech cars with their awesome fuel mileage, are all freaking ugly and small.  Everyone knows that once the planet finishes this phase it goes through… all of the oil will replenish itself and all these ugly Toyota Prius will be obsolete. Al Gore can suck on my Hummer’s tailpipe and I don’t mean that in a gay way at all.

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