Haters Be Hatin'

Hate On This

Oh, Al. As if your divorce and Global Warming weren’t a big enough clusterfuck… you sure seem to be trying desperately to ruin your political career.

Al Gore Sex Video

Don't you think he would have preyed on a bitch without jowls?

Now, little filthy whore Molly R Hagerty is selling her soul to the devil telling The National Enquirer that she’s collected enough evidence to prove to Portland police that they should reopen the case against AL Gore as to whether or not she was a whore or if good ol’ Al stepped over some boundaries.

Hagerty must have taken some notes from Monica Lewinsky because she’s claiming to have evidence against Gore consisting of DNA, video (HOT), and a key witness. Orgy Maybe? Threesome caught on video?

Threesome with Monica Lewinsky??

“He’s not what people think he is, Hagerty states. “He’s a sick man!” Uhm, no fucking duh Molly… he’s a fucking politician. Did you actually really ever think he was a stand-up kind of guy? You know, like that Bill Clinton was. Oh, that’s right! Decent politicians DON’T exist you dumb bitch! So go sell your piece of crap story to people that give a shit. Like TMZ.

A TMZ reporter stated:

“Molly Hagerty recently went public with her accusations in the National Enquirer – Claiming Gore sexually abused her in his hotel room.”

Bitch, stop trying to make yourself look like the victim. I’m not doubting that Gore gave you the deep dickin but you know you gobbled down that Gore dick like a dehydrated eskimo sucks on an iceberg. Suck it up, Buttercup. Admit you’re a whore, and stop trying to pretend like you didn’t ask to have him balls deep in your tainted pussy.

And as for Al… I’m disappointed in you. You could at least have fucked someone that doesn’t resemble Aileen Wuornos… after the execution.Molly Hagerty Picture

Justin Bieber Is Gay

Two in the stinker.

I think I am getting too old for this shit and honestly this world sucks. This point has never been so clear until this very moment. From the moment I first listened to the sounds of Justin Bieber, I have to agree with Harry Potter… who like myself, was confused as to the gender of Bieber. I know the kid’s balls haven’t dropped yet but I highly doubt they even exist in the first place.

I will never understand why girls find The Jonas Brothers and Bieber irresistible. They want nothing to do with you. Not because you are a complete nobody from Iowa but mostly because you are a girl.

This douche was discovered on YouTube and unlike the Chocolate Rain retard he actually got a decent record contract. Now this ass pirate is more famous than countless other extremely talented musicians that will never be discovered.

I believe the real story is some kiddie porn addicted record executive was out there trolling around on YouTube looking for something clean to jack it to and stumbled across pretty boy over here… ruined his keyboard and the rest is history.

He’s another flash in the pan- a Corey Haim for the 2010 crowd that will, no doubt, be dead in a few years. Mark my words kids- Bieber will gain weight, start drinking too much and be a complete wreck with just enough time to put a shotgun barrel in his mouth.

I just hope he does it during the Kids Choice Awards. OMG!

I tend to believe that no really means yes when it comes to sexual encounters and now because of the Anti-Rape condom I actually might have to start listening.

Spiked Anti Rape Condom


I hate condoms to begin with because when I am committing a rape condoms really kill the mood. This ani-rape female condom, which I hope is very difficult to insert while intoxicated, is going to start ruining perfectly good evenings.

First off, what evil woman invented this condom? Now some poor guy, who was just trying to finish his date the proper way… will wind up having barb wire wrapped around his wood. It’s not his fault you ordered lobster at dinner earlier and the prude you are was only willing to give him a handjob in the parking lot.

I get that you are looking for someone that is handsome, charming and sincere but now I’ve got to worry that your cooter is going to stab me.

Way to ruin sex for everyone ladies. It’s bad enough I have to wait until you are passed out from the roofies… but now I have to inspect the body like I’m on CSI.

The man hasn’t even been in the grave for a solid year yet… but he must be rolling over the Elephant Man’s bones by now.

Michael Jackson Autopsy Photo

Will "Black or White" be featured on the video game? And we don't mean the song...

A Michael Jackson video game is in development where players will sing their favorite songs and also dance his signature moves. It’s called Molested Child Junkie Hero. Let’s just say I’ve always been looking for a reason to grab my crotch in the living room and not have to hear any shit about it.

I really hope the game forces me to have a fake relationship with a has-been celebrity like Corey Feldman. And how fun would it be to dangle a helpless baby using my Wii balance board?

The game will cover his entire career so we can revisit the days of the Jackson 5. With all the capabilities of the Wii motion control, trying to dodge the beatings from Joe Jackson should feel surreal. Hell, with 3D soon to come to all video game platforms there should just be a Joe Jackson Punch-Out.

Does the game come with a never-ending prescription pad with his doctor’s signature on each one? Will the game also incorporate the Dance Dance Revolution pad? When the dancing ends does blanket snuggling begin?

I’m just worried that kids are going to start copying what they see in the video game and a skin bleaching problem will sweep across the nation and everyone will start owning their own chimp.

This weekend marks the opening of the Harry Potter section at Islands of Adventure and all the dweebs running off to Hogwarts are in a frenzy!

Harry Potter Theme Park

Hopefully, Potter can save the day when a category 5 hurricane slathers this shithole with BP oil.

I have not read any of these shitty books but I have seen these shitty movies and I can only assume that this will be a shitty park. Hey, I don’t care if you fairies want to ride around on brooms and wear hats that tell you what gang you belong to. Come to my hood and the Latin Kings will show Slytherin what’s up.

The park has butterbeer and disgusting flavors of jellybeans that include earwax and vomit. The only time anyone should eat earwax and vomit is when they are down on their luck and doing snuff porno flicks. Which is where Hermione will be heading after the Deathly Hollows ends its run.

Want to look like a total idiot in the 100 degree heat? Well you can purchase a wizard robe for 100 bucks and an “official” wand for 30. Just think for the low, low price of 130 dollars PLUS your admission price you can walk around in the sweltering Florida heat looking like a total douchebag.

There are redesigned roller coasters and water rides which I’m sure will have a longer wait than the Gulf cleanup effort.  Hopefully, those redheaded twins who are clearly drug dealers… will come around with something that will make this experience somewhat enjoyable.

Yes, I will be seeing all this crap next weekend, so hopefully I will save the 300 dollars for my very own Firebolt before then. What will I do with it you ask? Find the CEO of BP and shove it up his English ass of course… now pass me another butterbeer.

Like most Americans I really don’t watch football or the made up word we gave it… soccer.

Vuvuzelas: First invented to blow the AIDS away.

Normally, I really wouldn’t be watching a soccer match between South Africa and Mexico and normally I would not be drinking at 10 o’clock in the morning but the World Cup is anything but normal. Soccer is already annoying with its 2 and ½ hours of 1-0 “excitement” but thanks to these fans the games are even more annoying because of the vuvuzelas.

When I first heard the sound I thought those Discovery Channel shows about African bees weren’t kidding around. Then when a friend of mine explained those are plastic horns in the stands, I was dumbfounded. First off, why is a Dr. Seuss word/invention an actual device?

Second, who the hell finds this sound entertaining? The sound is to mimic an elephant and I really hope a stampede comes down into Johannesburg and runs over these vuvuzela fuckwads.

At the World Cup the sound has destroyed everything. The commentators can’t get a word in. The players can’t communicate with each other and Mandela now wishes he was back in prison for some peace and quiet. Hell, there’s an iPhone application that lets you have that sound effect wherever you go.

I am actually thinking about getting my very own vuvuzela and taking it with me when my girlfriend drags me to this Eclipse bullshit later this month. Goodbye Kristen Stewart’s horrible acting and say hello to my little friend.


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