Have you ever been driving behind that old school boxed Cadillac that’s going 35 MPH in a 50 and when you look through the back of the window you can’t see anyone?  I would bet my left nut, that it’s a senior citizen behind the wheel.  The only time you’ll see them drive the speed limit is when they are late for their shuffleboard tournament.

I guess I shouldn’t get too mad, their blood flow is weakened and they just don’t have the strength to push down the pedal like they used to.  But that’s not the worst.  I live in Florida and they utilize what is called an “eventual left”.  What this means is they’ll have their left blinker on for 5 plus miles going 15 under the speed limit.  But you can’t pass because after 5 miles where you think they just forgot, they go to turn.

I think I need to turn here...

I don’t even try to get on the road on bingo nights.  It’s worse than rush hour traffic.  I don’t understand why we can’t just revoke driving priviledges if you can’t figure out how to drive the speed limit without your damn blinker on.  And the old guys that wear the Ray Charles sunglasses when the suns not even out… you probably can’t see as it is and now you’re driving without any kind of light.

Stick to the jazzy’s and stay on the sidewalks.  At least Miss Daisy had the decency to get a driver!

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Why can't I lose any weight?

Nothing is more attractive than seeing a 300 pound woman waiting on an elevator to go up one flight of stairs.  The best part is when they get on the elevator they begin saying things like: “I don’t understand why I can’t lose any weight” as they eat their fried chicken taking the lazy express up.

Unfortunately it seems like this is the norm in America.  We probably have more obese and overweight people in our country than there are starving people in other countries.

To fix this issue, I think all elevators should come with scales underneath their waiting area and if it registers at anything over 300 pounds, the elevator is rendered out of order automatically.

Just put down your fried chicken and walk your lazy fat ass up the stairs and save me the 10 minutes it took to write this.

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