The cutest little ass whoopin birdie on the planet…

Auto shops try to squeeze every penny out of you.

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Who needs a camper for that road trip anyways??

Ya look like Gelfling...

Now this picture is testament as to why Whitney Houston needs to become DARE’s next poster child for their “Just Say No To Drugs” campaign. Boys and girls, the next time someone sketchy approaches you on the playground, after school, offering you drugs… just remember what a decade of hard partying, cocaine, and Bobby Brown can do to even the biggest of stars.

Even with the release of her newest album, I Look To You, Whitney Houston continues to disappoint her fans with shiteous concerts like her latest in Australia… which was full of coughing, breathlessness, water guzzling, and her.. brother?

Houston’s promoter Andrew McManus says that her horrendous performance is due to years of Houston being a smoker and not taking care of her voice. In the article linked above, McManus goes on to say, “She knows she’s not hitting every note like she used to. But it’s value for money; it’s Whitney Houston warts and all.”

"Maybe y'ARE Gelfling!"

She plans to continue with her revival tour and tells McManus that despite the critical reviews that she does not need his protection from the critics and she feels that the attacks might just simply be… “God’s will.”

Well we agree with you Whitney. It is God’s will. And speaking of warts… now we at least know who will be cast as Aughra when the 80’s classic movie, The Dark Crystal, is finally remade by Hollywood’s ever prosperous remake machine.

For the love of God Whitney… do something with your face!

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Morgan Freeman knows how to rock an awesome Olympic commercial… right Visa?

With trash like this... THEY should pay YOU to go on the shore

Whether you’re a fan of MTV’s Jersey Shore or not… you have to admit that it is easily one of the most talked about and highly controversial reality TV shows to ever be made. From Snickers Snooki to “The Situation” to the trashtastic JWoWW, this show is nothing but a train wreck that you just can NOT stop watching.

Well now, the show’s producer, Elina Miller, is about to piss off a completely different ethnic group- the Russian-Americans. If you thought the Jersey Shore was bad enough then you’ll have a whole new MTV show to hate on brought to you by the Russian-Americans of NYC’s Brighton Beach community, otherwise known as Little Odessa.

NOW CASTING:

“Are you the Russian Snooki or The Situation? Are you a super outgoing and fun-loving Russian-American that sometimes sneaks kalbaska, pel’meni and vodka from the fridge? Can people hear the Euro/Techno/Russian music blasting from your car before they see you pull up? … The cameras will roll as you do what you do best—eat, drink and PARTY. Here’s who we’re looking for: Outgoing guys and girls between the ages of 21 and 30 who would be willing to spend one summer living in an all-expense paid digs in the New York City area and consider themselves to be Russian-American (or from the former U.S.S.R, including the Caucasus). We’re searching for people throughout the entire U.S. including: NYC, Miami, Cleveland, Chicago, L.A., San Francisco and beyond. You must love attention and be the opposite of camera-shy…..”

I’m assuming they want to milk every single ethnic community they can… that is also still of a white face. This way no one can really call the show truly racist. I really don’t have a wonderful knowledge of Russian pride or history, but I can’t wait for some asshole on the show to refer to himself as “Red October.”

I also can’t wait to see how quickly Stoli vodka jumps at the opportunity to advertise on the show. Will “The Situation” owe money to the Russian mob and will one of these new Russian assclowns have to go talk to him for an Uncle? The crossover possibilities are endless.

Will there be way too much speedo action going on? Please god no- the fight scenes on the beaches for this season will just be out of control schlong slinging! I’ll tell you what I can’t wait for- to see the girls who have already spent half their lives in prostitution slavery… now free in America, to roam the country. One thing is for sure, it might be a different cast, but I really can’t wait to see another girl get punched in the face… because those Ruskies like to roll like that.

However, with Brighton Beach having one of the largest Russian communities next to Moscow, Miller says she has no intentions of accentuating the further stereotypes.

Riiiiiiight!

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One of the BEST hairbands ever.