"I'm a douchebag."

On Monday, Sandra Bullock was probably still just working on coming down from her post-Oscar-award-winning high… only to have her entire life screwed when she got a call from her publicist. She called to alert Sandra that In Touch would be exposing some very interesting information about her husband, Jesse James, and slut bitch nazi whore, Michelle McGee.

“In Touch magazine had called Sandra’s publicist Monday morning to let her know the magazine was going to print an explosive cover story … saying her husband was cheating,” claims a source. “At first, camp Sandra dismissed the story until they understood that the magazine had the alleged mistress, tattoo model Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee, on the record telling all.”

It only took America’s sweetheart Bullock long enough to pack up some of her things and she was out of there. McGee, on the other hand, has spared Bullock no pain and has just released some very juicy private SEXting messages between herself and James.

"Oh, Jesse... I can't wait to meet your parents!"

Does anybody have a clue as to how Jesse James met this classy little piece of tattooed trash? That’s right folks! He met her on Myspace. Lindsay Sinai, who is Michelle “Bombshell” McGee’s former roommate, is dishing out plenty of disgusting details about James’ affair with his Nazi lover McGee.

“Their relationship was more like a friendship. Nothing was ever said about a future. Once she did realize [Bullock and James] were together, there was a lot of regret there. [McGee] friend-requested Jesse James [on MySpace] and he started writing her out of the blue. [Michelle] was like, ‘Oh my God, Jesse James is writing me. Oh my God, Jesse James is calling me.’ He said he wanted to hang out with her. She ended up driving up to the garage.”

Well, thankfully the Karma police were keeping tabs on James and gave him at least a little bit of his own medicine because his dog Cinnabun went missing all over again after just recently being returned from a month long runaway stint.

We’re not going to lie here James. We were REALLY hoping that either Bullock or McGee had gone all Fatal Attraction on your dumb ass and you were going to come home to find your precious little mutt boiling in a big ol’ pot on the kitchen stove.

Ah, well no such luck… yet. Better luck next time!

Do You Have Any Smaller Condoms? (Make A Dare)

13 Port O Potty Pranks (Urlesque)

Michelle Obama’s Workout Video (Funny Or Die)

Best Pranks of 2009 (Funny DOOdz)

A pretty damn funny fake car accident. Looks like someone needs a xanax and someone needs their ass beat!

The Truth Behind Epic Fail (Fail Blog)

Biggest Sex Survey Ever (Health Guru)

7 Trampoline Tragedies (I Am Bored)

The Fax Of Life (You Tube)

I’m sorry… but this guy deserves this shit…

The perfect gift for your mom's birthday!

The rumors are true ladies- Tiger has got some major wood and now you can experience having it in YOUR hole! Thanks to Pipedream Products you too can now go for a ride on the Tiger Woods 9-Iron in the comfort of your own home.

Yes, that’s right. There is finally a Tiger Woods love doll and as the box says it’s the “#1 Golf Love Doll.”

I actually wonder if Tiger’s wife will purchase the doll just to remember what having sex with him was like. You know what is kind of funny, the doll actually has a better short game than me. I had a sex doll once and I was embarrassed of it, now I have a sex doll that appears on Gatorade bottles, it is so G.

The truth about the sex doll is wether it slices or hooks, hits a trap or winds up in a hazard, it always gets in the hole no matter how many strokes it takes.

Nick Orlandino, COO of Pipedream says:

“We’re following in the footsteps of Larry Flynt and all of the other porn parodies out there, and the Take Home Tiger is no different. Look for more hilarious products from Pipedream in the future.”

"I love to whack it hard out of the rough..."

And if the Tiger Woods blowup doll doesn’t do it for your Tiger sex fantasies they also offer the “Tuggin Tiger” collectable! It comes complete with awesome marketing slogans like “He Takes A Clubbin’ and Keeps on Tuggin” so these babies are guaranteed to disappear faster than his hoe’s panties!

My only problem with this wind up toy is that there is a 9-iron wrapped around his head. I personally would have used a sand wedge. I’d prefer the sand wedge due to the fact that the wedge has a sharper cut and not only really gets under the balls in play but is great for whacking out of the bush.

Four Child Vloggers (Cracked)

Group Therapy Win (Fail Blog)

The Real Tiger Wood’s Apology (Comedy Juice)

Jon Stewart Takes On Beck (Huffington Post)

The real story behind those new credit card laws and Michelle Obama’s arms.

"Do I look like I'm on drugs?"

We knew it would only be a matter of time but it’s just been announced that Corey Haim’s death is now officially under investigation. California State Attorney General Jerry Brown is conducting a full investigation into Haim’s death due to the fact that an unauthorized prescription was found in Haim’s name during a probe in San Diego.

Haim’s name, along with numerous others, has been discovered in relation to a massive fraudulent drug prescription distribution ring. The ring operates by stealing doctor’s identities and ordering prescription drug pads from authorized vendors. The pads are then sold on the streets to drug dealers and/or addicts.

The L.A. Coroner has confirmed that four prescription pill bottles in Haim’s name were recovered from the scene of his death. It is still unclear as to whether or not Haim was involved in the massive drug ring or if he ever knew of the fraudulent prescription pad scam.

Autopsy is still pending as to the final cause of Haim’s death.

"I have 2 dogs and a boyfriend AND we all four look alike!"

Well, well, well… first we have Snooki parading around like she’s some sort of Hollywood celebrity and now we’ve got that skankalicious JWoww thinking she’s a diva too.

Apparently, miss Jenni Farley aka “JWoww” was scheduled to make an appearance at the Estate Club in Boston last weekend but when her driver arrived at her Long Island home in a Cadillac Escalade the guidette wasn’t having it.

She must have been lathering on some last minute “Orange Glow” tanning lotion or gotten one of her hair extensions caught in her bathroom door because a source tells us that she made the poor driver wait outside for nearly an hour before coming outside to speak to him.

“First she made the car wait 45 minutes,” says a source. “Then she told the driver she doesn’t travel in Escalades.” The Estate club of Boston then made arrangements for a limo to come scoop up the prima donna wannabe bitch.

Meanwhile, what did she do while waiting for her luxurious limo to arrive? She ignored a group of screaming fans that were clamoring for her autograph. Reason? She says Jersey Shore keepers are not allowing them to sign anything without prior consent in order to drive up the value of the guidos and guidette’s signatures.

Drive up the value? Drive up WHAT value? Honey, we wouldn’t wipe our ass with your signature but we would throw it in the trash where you it belongs. Once Jersey Shore trash always Jersey Shore trash. Next time we’ll pay your driver to pick your ass up in a Toyota Camry.