I hate it when I’m pulled over and have to pretend that I’m as sober as an Amish kid on Sunday. I know my alphabet backwards more than forwards and I have practiced walking a straight line so much that you would think I’m training to be a tightrope walker.
What can I say? I like to party. Well enough people with Mafia ties like to party in New Jersey that now the cops are going to need an interpreter just to pull people over if suspected of driving under the influence.
A new New Jersey law states that if an officer is going to arrest you for drunk driving they must read you your rights in the language that you understand and speak. This is a great idea mainly because… if I’m going to be pulled over I’m just going to pretend that I don’t speak English. That way when I get to court the case is thrown out because my rights were read in Polish.
There are over 150 languages spoken by New Jersey drivers but yet everyone understands the middle finger. I think that we need our officers to be effective communicators while tasing a drunken Mexican. We don’t want those fuckers on the highways anyhow.
So let’s start handing those Rosetta Stones out to the troopers and everyone else start learning new ways to get out of those DWI’s. It’s not like those worthless pigs are doing any good in Newark, Jersey City, or Union City anyhow…