Haters Be Hatin'

Top 5: GILFs

by BrahptimusPrime on May 17th, 2010

If there is one thing we can all enjoy, it’s a good MILF.  If there is one thing that twisted, perverted assholes can enjoy, it’s a good GILF.

Because we know our target audience, we have compiled a list of the top five most porkable grandmothers.  But let’s be serious, these aren’t your run of the mill bingo hall grannies.   These are some legit GILFs.  The only criteria for selection are being a grandmother and being really fuckable.

5. Emmylou Harris

Emmylou Harris is the George Clooney of GILFs:  her hair is silver and everyone wants to bone her.  In fact, Emmylou may be the most grandmotherly of all the GILFs on our list.  Her look just screams ‘good at baking, better at riding penis’. Is that inappropriate to say about a 63 year old woman? Yes.  Would we still bone her? Absolutely.

4. Goldie Hawn

Goldie Hawn may be the most attractive Jewish-Buddhist in existence, but only the world’s third most attractive grandmother. What she is, though, is smoking hot and the mother of Kate Hudson, that means that there are some attractive genes in her DNA.  On top of that, she has been a bona-fide sex symbol for the last four decades.  All in all, Goldie Hawn is a solid choice for one of the top GILFs.

3. Susan Lucci

Her face may be partially be made up of plastic and she may have been born during the Truman Presidency, but Susan Lucci is still a grade-A GILF.  First off, she is the top dog of soap operas.  She’s the Biggie, Tupac, and Snoop all rolled into one.  But instead of being black and good at rapping, she’s an old white woman with subpar acting chops and an incredible bone structure.

2. Jenny McCarthy

Technically speaking, Jenny McCarthy isn’t a GILF.   But when we are talking about hot grandmothers, technicalities go out the window.  McCarthy was, until recently, linked with the once hilarious Jim Carrey, whose daughter gave birth to her own child in the early parts of 2010.  Her child made Carrey a grandfather and by relation then, made McCarthy a step-grandmother.  And a very boneable one at that.

1. Sarah Palin

She may lack basic reasoning skills and have the IQ of a phone book, but Sarah Palin is hot and a legitimate grandmother.  That means that she birthed a person that later gave birth to another person.  During that timespan, Palin did not lose her attractiveness.  That is an impressive feat.  Lucky for her, stupidity did not play a factor in our rating metric, it certainly would have caused her to lose the number one position.  Yet, her rockin’ tits and Fargo-accent make us want to put her in a few different types of positions.

Honorable mention: This lady.