Does this shit have overdraft fees??

I love playing Monopoly. Ever since I was a little kid it’s been one of my favorites… even though I really didn’t understand how to play the game with strategy. For example, I always used to try to get a monopoly on the properties right after “Go” even though the rent was cheaper if players landed on it. I bought them up first because it’s also cheaper to build houses and hotels.

Other players always think big and go for the green and blue properties. But I found the real way to win the game is to think small and chip away until you bankrupt the entire board. It’s a lot like life.

Just recently, Hasbro unveiled their new design for the classic board game and I was just sickened by what I saw. The game now has a sleek circular design, there is no actual cash, and when certain things happen… hit songs play. I actually really hope that when I finish second in that beauty contest they play “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt. I wonder if when I land on “Go to Jail” is it that “Whoop Whoop, that’s the sound of the police” song that plays?

Introducting The All New Operation!! Now Featuring Pre-Existing Conditions!!

The main reason I don’t like the new Monopoly is because there really was nothing wrong with the old version. It’s not like the game is not still going to take 4-5 hours for a few friends to play while they suck down a few cases of beer. Also, with the electronic banking how the hell am I supposed to steal from the bank when no one is looking? Hopefully this new look won’t be a hit or else we are going to see big updates in all our old favorites.

Picture the new Operation game, where every time you go to remove something an insurance company swoops in and stops you from doing anything. Because a funny bone and butterflies in the stomach are a pre-existing condition from red buzzing noseanitus.

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