"Your sister just called. Your mom is dead... APRIL FOOLS!!!"

You would think with our hate-o-sphere, we would be all about this silly day, but I have had it up to here with April 1st. The whole April Fool’s Day jokes are played out and now with our very sensitive republic, we have to be safe and non-offensive with our pranks on that day.

People tend to try to cook up something original and funny for a good prank and then a co-worker says one thing to the HR rep and you find yourself out of a job. I guess she didn’t find the phone call to her desk saying her mother died a good April Fools.

I don’t know how this stupid holiday got started in the first place, but the only way people ever get me is when I get totally wasted on the night of March 31st and I am so hungover on the 1st that I have no idea what day it is. That’s when my girlfriend will fake some tears, when I wake up, and tells me she is pregnant. Then, that’s when I frantically start thinking of some plan to throw her down the stairs… when she confides that it was all an April Fool’s day joke.

I also hate it when people do lame April Fool’s day jokes. These are usually people who think they are funny but in reality they are the worst comedian in the room. They try to pull April Fool’s jokes on EVERYONE and it’s the same lame joke. “Hey, did ya hear the Rolling Stones broke up?” Please, stop. Don’t do it. Don’t try to make people go, “Really!?” and then hit them with that big “April Fools” with your finger pointing in their face.

I swear to God, you do that shit to me, I will break off your finger, shove it up your ass, and tell you I’m giving you a prostate exam, and when you reply, “Really?!” that’s when I yell, “April Fools!!!”

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