I don’t know about the rest of you ladies out there but DAMN do I love getting my period. Cramps that feel like you’re about to shit out your uterus, being bloated to the size of Kirstie Alley, shoving an entire box of oversized q-tips into your coochie, and tampon commercials. Ahh, tampon commercials.

Like this one:

How do I REALLY feel about MY period? Well, let me tell you. We are not “like this” and I do not want to hold soft things, like my cat. I would rather take my cat, that is playing with her jingle ball outside my bedroom door as I writhe in pain at 7:00AM, and toss her annoying ass out the window. Hopefully, she gets ran over by the parking authority people. I really do sort of feel pure… pure hatred, for everyone and the only place I want to run to is straight to CVS to buy some more Midol.

White spandex? Please! The last time I saw the color white and mass amounts of blood together was when the Easter bunny got his her ass kicked by some hoodlums in New York a few weeks ago. And as for that blue liquid reenactment crap… if anything blue comes out of me and ruins my Victoria’s Secret underwear I’d going to go hunt down Papa Smurf’s old ass and let him know that the last time we shacked up he gave me the Smurf herp.

It’s about damn time, ladies. It’s time we stand up and let the world know just how stupid we think tampon commercials are. Just like this chick did! I don’t know about you but the next time I see a stupid girlie tampon commercial I’m going to find the guy behind it, bring him back to my apartment, and bash him in the fucking nuts about 52 times with a hammer and tell him to, “Suck it up, buttercup” when he feels like he just gave birth to a rhinoceros.

That is, once he gets back from the store with my tampons.

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