Which is the bigger lie? Santa or Global Warming???

Greenhouse gases have affected the North Pole more than any other region. Mr. and Mrs. Claus have made the switch to hybrid vehicles, but too little too late according to studies. According to some, these fictitious green house gases have also added a cloud of bullshit to the North Pole and there is a chance of precipitation.

Now, thanks to some weirdo with too much time on his hands, you can take action against the movement on St. Nick. Only you can start to turn around these environmental damages and make those ice shelves whole again.

What can you do? First, start to give a damn about Santa Claus. Then we have to save his home! For years we have been lied to- our deadbeat parents have been buying us gifts under this disguise of a jolly old fat man with eight magical reindeer. Everyone over the age of 20 knows that Santa Claus is real and Mrs. Claus has been having an affair. I hate you Easter Bunny, I HATE YOU!

Well, if that weren’t bad enough for Santa… his house is melting away and we need to help him!  According to the flier mentioned in the article… it will be 8 degrees hotter by 2100, which should be about 30 to 40 years after I’m dead and my corpse will be sweating… and Santa’s house will be destroyed!

Ways that you can help: When you see someone wasting energy, either by leaving lights on for too long or seeing someone using a non-solar powered dildo, you can leave them a Christmas energy violation. The summons informs the offender that they are about to be on the “Energy Naughty List.” It’s pretty stupid and wreaks of something that not only would I crumble up and liter as quick as I could with, but I would find the person that left it and visit their house…

I would go to the backyard while they were not home and try to find a backyard outlet. I would then hook up my super powered heating fan that eats more wattage per hour than The Griswold house in Christmas Vacation, then I would piss on their lawn, and scream at the top of my lungs…

“Hey, I’m a coal wasting motherf’er and melting Santa’s house WAS MY IDEA!!”

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