Haters Be Hatin'

Hate on This: Nicholas Cage

by LessThanWalker on December 2nd, 2009
I wouldn't be suing your business manager... I'd be suing your stylist.

I wouldn't be suing your business manager... I'd be suing your hair doctor.

Well now I officially received my answer that I’ve been asking for years- why is Nicholas Cage in so many bad movies? It turns out, he needed the money.  This explains so many classics, like Gone in 60 Seconds, Snake Eyes, Matchstick Men, National Treasure 1 and 2, Ghost Rider, Knowing, Next, and of course The Wicker Man.  For every Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, and Face/Off he seems to have 4 or 5 Snake Eyes. Well, it turns out the man has taken it upon himself to help increase our national spending and he has done so by putting himself in a situation that in order to afford his lifestyle he must rake in over $30 million dollars a year.

I make $30,000 a year that the government knows about, and I can barley write anything that people seem to give a shit about, but one thing I do understand is that if I NEED $30 million dollars to maintain my lifestyle than maybe I should start thinking about some things. Things like not having to OWN multiple houses, yachts, an F’in island, and a $1.6 million dollar comic book collection.  Well, he sold the comic collection… probably because Gone in 61 Seconds wasn’t materializing fast enough.

He is now suing his business manager for making poor money decisions and now we all know that this is pure bologna. It is not a business manager that tells you to do Bankock Dangerous, it is your thirst for more money to fuel your private jet. I hope he kerplunks. I hope that Leaving Las Vegas was like a really long trailer for what is to come for Mr. Cage. I mean, come on- man, a voice in G-Force? You are an Acadamy Adward winning actor and you were voicing a Guinea Pig for an elite counter terrorism squad filled with fart jokes?? I’m surprised he didn’t commit suicide during the recording process. He probably didn’t because his money is receding as fast as his hairline and self dignity.