Save for one thing, 2009 might have been the lamest year of all time.

That one thing is Avatar, and it’s sweet jungle alien love.  Sweet, sweet alien love.

But besides that, how do we remember 2009?  The people who died?  The celebrity scandals?  The political…blah?

In more ways than one, 2009 should be considered a step backwards.  The major stories that we enter 2010 with are disappointments, tragedies, and unmet expectations.  Susan Boyle had the top selling album of the year.  Transformers 2 was the top grossing movie of the year.

Yes, really.

Mediocre taste has become somewhat of a pandemic, drawing precious money and attention away from the worthwhile.  Ironically, this is only the second lamest pandemic that struck in 2009.  Number one, of course, is the swine flu.

Rest in peace, MJ. You haven't missed much.

Barack Obama, who ended 2008 as the barer of hope, is now the most unexciting president since James K. Polk.  The unintentional rhyme of that sentence might actually be more interesting than Barack Obama’s presidency.

Twilight fever was never declared a pandemic.  In reality, though, it may have ended more lives than the swine flu.  New Moon bested The Dark Knight for the biggest opening weekend in box office history.  Vampires are all the rage when – really – vampires are about as cool as a stake to the eyes.

2009 will also be remembered for Michael Jackson and Tiger Woods, but for all the wrong reasons.  I imagine a good year is when the best performer releases a masterpiece, or when the best athlete destroys his competition.  A bad year, then, is when the immortal ones turn out to be just as f*cked as the rest of us.

2009 was that year.

2009 in a nutshell. Er...cardboard box.

It must be said, though, that every dark cloud has a silver lining.  As to what exactly 2009’s silver lining is – I couldn’t tell you.  Avatar?  Funnel Cake Sticks at Burger King?  Health care reform?  It’s anyone’s guess.

All I know is that 2009 left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  And it’s going to take more than Funnel Cake Sticks to fix that.