How come I'd give this guy a dollar and diabetics nothing? I like his honesty.

Everyone wants my money, epically myself.  During these tough times I have found myself not spending all that much, cause quite honestly, I just don’t have it to spend.  I think I am going to piss much of you off with this one, but seriously, all these causes need to go away for a moment.

For the record I am a generous person.  I give when I can, but also when it is completely fair and applicable.  When the crackhead bum has his hand out and says he needs money for food is about the only time I won’t really give.  Cause I know he isn’t spending it on a burger but yet on another hit.  I love giving to a bum that makes me laugh or plays a guitar with two strings. Shows at least he is trying and seriously needs the money for something worthwhile.

It’s those crackheads that don’t deserve a dime.  If you ever really want to piss off a crackhead when they ask for money for food, give them an apple.  The look of disappointment on their face is priceless.  It will brighten the rest of your day.

Now, have you noticed that all of these damn causes are taking the same tactics as that crackhead bum?  First, they are always trying to give you something.  They walk up to you with a flower and just give it to you.  “Wow, thank you so much for this wonderful flower, I think I will pass it on to my girlfriend, and spread this harmonious idea of love all around.”  Then you walk away and they start demanding money.  Wait a minute!! You just gave me this flower, why are you now demanding money? It’s kinda like thinking you’re having consensual sex with someone and then when it’s over there is a bill on the nightstand.

I hate it when they are purposely in your way.  You must have fallen into this scenario-  you leave for the grocery store with only ten dollars on you.  The shopping list is eggs, milk, bread, oj… just enough to get through the morning.  Upon arrival at the store, and OH NO, there he is, the last surviving member of World War 2, and he is selling… I’m sorry… taking donations for little American flags to wear on your shirt.

Of course, I have to skip by Lt. Grandpa cause I need the money for the groceries; because donations can never make change.  It’s not like you can walk up to him and ask if he can break a $10.  Then you pay for the groceries, which come to $9.36, and the flags cost a dollar.  You then have to skip past him on the way out and you know he is staring you down as you walk by and you know he’s thinking, “A$$HOLE!”

Asshole- he watched all of his buddies die on the beach so you could grab your precious eggs and cheese, you ungrateful unpatriotic son of a bitch.

Then these causes seem to get you when you do have money. Same scenario, same ten dollars, except today the eggs were on sale so the total comes to $8.36 and that’s when the loser cashier has the deal, and it’s always for a cause that would make you seem like a real scumbag if you didn’t donate. “Sir would you like to donate a dollar to children with sickle cell, leukemia, and AIDS?” Of course you donate the dollar, it’s not like you can just take that $1. 64 home with you.  While I’m at it, what the hell is a dollar really going to do for those children?  Probably just go to a shovel collection.

"Need money for beer, pot, and hooker. Hey, at least I'm not bullshitting you."

Another one that I can’t stand is the the donation cup.  Where there is no real donation minimum.  Where some really pathetic looking individual dresses up as Santa and rings a bell for the Salvation Army.  God it’s annoying.

RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING.

FINE!!!HERE!!!HERE IS A FU$KING QUARTER!!!

Of course they just keep ringing the bell. I thought when you gave them money they would knock it off.   Cup donation collectors also LOVE to walk around in traffic, cause they know you have change in the car.  The worst example I’ve seen of this so far is the local high school cheerleading team going out and begging for money for, I don’t know, birth control. Actually if that was the cause I probably would have given them the ten for the groceries and gone hungry the next day.

Seriously what kind of effort is this in local young people if they resort to begging on the streets to raise money for something?  How bout a bake sale, or car wash?

Hell, I’ll even buy an American flag pin at this point, at least it shows that you are making an effort.

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