"Yeah, I have her phone number. It's 1-800-GET-LOST!"
I like to drink and love going to my local watering hole to relax and enjoy myself. I have noticed the older I become the less desire I have to be intoxicated. I just want to enjoy a nice glass of bourbon, watch the game on a TV better than my own and hopefully the place won’t be too loud.
Now, maybe I’m hating on other men but I really can’t stand what I have begun to notice. Just the worst of the worst coming up to very nice girls, who are just trying to enjoy themselves. Instead they have to deal with Stew and his crew of losers. My god, it makes me want to puke in my suit to see these morons hit on ladies. As a man I think I can easily say, “Wow, really dude, you can just leave now.” Honestly, I feel sorry for these girls.
Some girls I do not feel as sorry for. If you want to party recklessly you are going to wake up with a d*ck in your mouth that I’m sure you didn’t want there in the first place. Probably Stew’s d*ck and the entire crew as well. But other girls go to a bar for the same reasons guys do. They go for ten cent wings, to check out the game, and later on play “Photo Hunt” on the finger touch game in the corner.
But women can’t just go to a bar like a guy can without being relentlessly pestered by some guy that always look really sleazy. Kinda like that guy that was hitting on Buck’s niece at the bowling ally in the movie Uncle Buck. Also stop trying to impress girls with really stupid shit. She does not care about your “Buck Hunter” shooting style or how to place proper backspin in “Golden Tee.” She does not care that you can drink Jameson all night and she does not give a shit that your fantasy football team is currently in third place.
I think there should be a “Hit on Bouncer” at every bar. The bouncer must be the father of at least 3 girls himself. He must be about 300 pounds and pretty much look like the main guy on American Chopper. You know, a real man. Someone who doesn’t need some corny line to impress a girl. All he ever had to do was drop a f*cker like Stew… if need be. Ladies would check in with the bouncer and let him know that she is not wanting to be pestered. If any individual comes up to the lady, like the annoying gelled up Italian Guido hair guy who wants to ask them a bunch of questions, the “Hit on Bouncer” will ask them to leave. If they do not leave… he will make them leave. I know, he knows, and she sure as hell knows, that she does not want to hear his lame ass questions. She is not looking for a job and this is not a job interview. “Hey, where did you go to school? What’s your sign? Do I know you? Wanna get out of here?” NO A$$hole she does NOT!!!
Also on another note, let us say you were lucky enough to get her name, when you send that Facebook friend request more than 2 times, and still no response, that girl wants nothing to do with you. TAKE A HINT!! I watch this happen so many times, where the girl is clearly not interested and wants nothing to do with the guy, but he just keeps on trying. Hey dude, not every porno scene deserves to be jacked off to. Sometimes it’s that homemade stuff that really isn’t hot at all. So please put it away and have some shred of decency.
My vagina is as wide as the Grand Canyon and I am crazy... crazy about killing people. Sure! I'll give you MY FUKING NUMBER!!
At the same time more women need to stop being so nice. Don’t be polite. Get mean! I want to see more woman scream obscenities at the guy who won’t take a hint. I want to hear verbal castrations. I want an utter removal of whatever confidence this douche thinks he has.
Come on ladies, you can do this! Also, I want more female serial killers. These issues would start to come to a halt pretty quickly if men were just being murdered left and right for not knowing when to move on. There is just not enough fear out there for men.
Men need to start feeling that at any moment a girl can and will kill them if they annoy them enough- just ask Aileen Wuornos.
I want to see, just once in my life, some dudes decapitated head on the bar with a napkin and a phone number on it.
On the napkin underneath the number written in his blood it says, “HERE, HERE IS MY F*CKING NUMBER!!!”
Popularity: 2% [?]
10/07/09 - 1:38 pm
You lost me at the second sentence: “I have noticed the older I become the less desire I have to be intoxicated.”
The only thing I have to say is this:
I have Girls-Who-Are-Friends who come out with us guys often, and the single ones are just like single guys.
It’s the greatest thing about drinking…
YOU GO TO THE BAR TO WIN THE GAME! Baseball, that is. HELLO?!
And the older THEY get, the less they think that going 1 for 4 on a given night with a double and slide into SLOPPY 2ND is a good night. They want to SCORE! Just as much as we do. If not more. As they get older, they’re biological clock is ticking, and they’re getting less playing time platooning with the office, baby showers and John and Kate Plus 8. They want that RING. Even if it means BANGING one off the top of the wall without getting GOOD WOOD on it, speeding past 3RD BASE, going straight for HOME and SCORING on a throwing error of judgement and sleeping with one of these deuche bag guys who’s name they’ll never remember.
Like Mel Hall…remember him? Talk about scoring on an error of judgement:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/06/18/2009-06-18_onetime_yankee_slugger_mel_hall_gets_45_yrs_in_jail_for_raping_12yearold.html
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10/07/09 - 1:46 pm
@Morgazm, …this coming from the guy who spends all his money on wine and raw oysters.
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10/07/09 - 6:03 pm
Women wouldn’t be worth anything if they didn’t have cooters. Ever since the beginning when that bitch Eve got Adam in trouble, it’s only gotten worse. All women are basically whores. They all sell their ass for some kind of gain whether they admit it or not. At the same time these uppity bitches talk down to men for wanting to lay them and they look at street whores like they’re lower than them. Every time I see a hot chick with a fat, bald, ugly sleezeball it’s obvious that that guy has money. There’s no “love” needed in a relationship as women like to proclaim. They’re physically attracted to wallets and bank accounts, not the man. They’ll say, “Well I want a provider.” They’re just whores who’ve gotten too lazy to sell the ass any more. They get married instead which is just legal prostitution. And it’s a hell of a lot more expensive for the man. At least street whores and strippers are honest about what they are and what they want. Who gives a shit about what a woman wants? They’re only good for one thing.
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10/07/09 - 9:32 pm
@Truth, If it weren’t for women your dumb ass wouldn’t exist.
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10/07/09 - 2:10 pm
@RabidCareBear, Like I said, they’re only good for one thing. Shit, you can’t even get a bitch to clean the house or cook meals any more. If she does it’s because you’ve bought the whore off. They need to learn their place. They need to keep their asses home and do some cooking and cleaning. And they need to put out when their man comes home horny and not give him any shit about it. If the whore expects to be compensated for it then her man should put her ass on a street corner and pimp her out.
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10/07/09 - 5:19 pm
@Truth, So your moms a whore?
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10/07/09 - 10:49 pm
@RabidCareBear, Yes, as are all women. How many times do I have to repeat myself before it registers in your thanking skull? Females are born to be whores. I don’t have a problem with them being whores. I have a problem with them pretending they aren’t when they are. Women who admit they’re whores have more character than the ones that pretend to be sweet and innocent because at least they’re honest. A stripper will tell you,”Give a dollar and you can see my snatch. Give me 50 and I’ll give you a taste.” That’s an honest whore. A housewife will say,”I want everything, your money and your soul and if I feel like it I might give you some.” That’s a dishonest, manipulative whore. Some guys like to suffer so they get married. But an honest whore is cheaper and is usually always better looking than a fat housewife.
10/07/09 - 12:03 pm
@Truth, seriously…women have SMALL BRAINS. All you have to do is throw a magazine at them and they start looking through it and comparing themselves to photo shopped pictures of models who look like they were extras in Schindler’s List. They spend all their money on Bags and Shoes and devise crazy schemes to compete against each other. Did you know that purses were seasonal?! I couldnt believe it I just found out last week. They have to have at least one for every season and to match with every outfit. Wealthy men are just preying on their Small Brains and making millions off them and charging a fortune for a piece of leather and a zipper. Who the hell pays $500 for a pair of shoes and wears them out in the winter…freezes to death then gets beer and puke all over them at a bar? BIRD BRAINS! Seriously…if there were no men on this planet…women would start eating eachother like Dinosaurs because their brains are the size of WALLNUTS!
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10/07/09 - 7:27 pm
@Morgazm, Hey Einstein, that’s WALNUTS. NOT wallnuts.
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10/07/09 - 11:20 pm
@Truth You’re seriously going to turn out like that crazy virgin of a loser that shot up that gym full of women… aren’t you? Must suck to never get laid. Tell your whore of a mother I said hello when your ass is burning in hell!
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10/07/09 - 3:34 pm
[...] You got the digits, holy shit we are impressed! HURRY, RUN, CALL HER! [...]
10/07/09 - 3:38 pm
HAHA…nice post!
I especially dig the Facebook mention. I did a similar write-up like this last night. Keep up the good work!
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10/07/09 - 10:56 am
Whether it’s political or religious views, race, size, or orientation- Doesn’t everybody deserve the chance to be who they are? Let’s not make any individual feel bad they’re something else.
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