I hate cute.

Like Zac Efron cute.  Pink frilly things cute.  And, most importantly, small animal cute.

Unfortunately for all of us, the Internet has a lot of cute.  From obnoxious, glittery myspace’s to blogs dedicated to cute it seems as if the Internet is vomiting cute.  And I cannot stand it.

But out of all of the varieties of cute out there, the worst is definitely the intolerable amount of videos of small kittens and puppies.  Valuable internet real estate that could be dedicated towards porn or hatred is instead used for the perpetuation of this ideal of cute.  It is quite disturbing.

Take this video of a small puppy for example.  Upon first glance this video seems like an innocent look at a small puppy that, despite his relentless desire to, cannot seem to get to his feet.  Upon first glance this video seems cute.  But what if I were to tell you that this puppy was once the star of a popular superhero film, but in an unfortunate horse riding incident, it was left with a spinal injury that would prevent it from ever walking again.  What if I were to tell you that this injury would only allow the puppy to squirm around on its back, just like it did in the video you watched, for the remainder of its existence?

Now, that wouldn’t be very cute.

In fact, that might be very, very tragic.

Well it’s sad to say, but that is the true story of this young puppy.  And, in all honesty, tragedy is behind the majority of all the cute animal videos on the internet.  Sure, you may think you’re just watching an innocent video of a cat jumping into a box.  But do you know the story of that cat?  Do you know that it is the victim of a terrible, degenerative mental condition?  In fact, most cute kittens are sufferers of Ebonicaitis, which is the cat version of the mental disorder that Perez Hilton is also a victim of.  Now, is that cute?

Consider this your fair warning: Cute is just a mirage.  From now on, whenever you see a cute animal video think about all of the horrible, terrible diseases that the poor little animal could be subject to.  Trust us, you will never look at a cute animal video the same way again.

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