Today I witnessed an old woman casually pull her car out in to traffic just as a long line of trucks was passing. Needless to say a truck struck the front of the woman’s hood and spun her around several times. Her left front tire was jammed so far up into the wheel-well it was like trying to find the hamster that crawls around Pauly Shore’s asshole making his voice do that cracky thing.

So the guy gets out and of course was pissed and looked as though he was about to open a fresh can of ass whoopin’ until he saw the obviously confused old lady step out to which he immediatly rushed to her and asked if she was ok and said… wait for it… he was sorry.

"All the handicapped spots were taken.. is it okay to just leave this here?"

Now since I’m stuck in traffic watching this I start getting angry and I’m thinking to myself, “Why the f*ck is this guy apologizing?” Why is it that we don’t hold elderly people accountable for their actions?

Let me give you a senario to think about: Your child has just started driving and goes out to a movie. After the movie they are driving their boyfriend or girlfriend home and they are struck by a drunk driver and killed. You would be furious at the driver and would want nothing short of the death penalty. Am I right?

Now imagine the same scenario only it’s an old woman who hits your kid going 60 and kills them… would you still want to yell and berate them? Would you still want to send them to jail for the rest of their lives? Its like when Lennie kills the rabbits. It is so bad and you should be mad, but its almost like you are more angry that we let them drive to begin with.

So I bring this discussion back to the question at hand. Why don’t we hold senior citizens to the same standards when it comes to to the rules of the road? Sixteen yearolds need to spend at least a year in the car with a capable adult above the age of 21 and take a road test before they are handed the keys to daddy’s new Escalade. I completely agree with that. BUT, shouldn’t we also make sure that Grandpa Phil isn’t going to plow over the elementary school crosswalk on his way to breakfast with the rest of the local Lion’s Club?

What on his body DOESN'T look like a dick?

Now I don’t want to rant and rave too much about this because old people really have been around the block a few times. Usually it was uphill and in the snow (both ways). All I’m saying is seniors should understand that with their age they become worse drivers. Things like sight, hearing, sphincter speed, reaction time, and general fashion sense just seem to go right out the door. We should respect our elders, that’s been a fact since the dawn of time. However we should also not let them kill us with motor vehicles. Cars should be like everything else old people are too old to use: Computers, cell phones, ear hair trimmers, TV remotes, digital cameras, staplers, iPods, video games, political correctness, showers, etc.

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