F my life!!!
Fall is here.
The leaves are turning, and guess what is back in full blossom… it’s back to school time for a bunch of little mistakes and reasons for failed marriages.
So with back to school in full bloom it’s time for all of us to remember that going back to school sucked big hairy assistant principal’s ballsack.
First off, back to school shopping. To an 8 year old, this is easily the worst day ever. You are thrown around a department store that doesn’t have a toy section. Forced into sale items that if you had your own money you would never have purchased. You wanted Air Jordans but those LA GEARS with the lights on the back were $19.99. You got khaki jeans that no one ever wanted in a size too big in order to grow into them and stuck with five identical shirts in different colors that were $9.99 each. Hey, you were eight, you didn’t know what a fixed budget was yet! You just knew you were going to get made fun of for at least the next three years of your life. I mean, for Christ’s sakes, you had flashy lights on your shoes. Kids today have skates on their sneakers… YOU had lights.
Staples, yeah, they got that alright, they also got all the back to school supplies you were not going to get. You wanted that Thundercat lunchbox, but you got the plain red one. The plain red one… that didn’t even come with a thermos! You would open your lunchbox and your mom had apple juice in a freakin ziplock bag for ya. Thanks mom! You would try to make a trade but everyone thought you just had piss in a ziplock bag. Nobody was going to trade their snack pack or Capri Sun for piss in a ziplock.
Would you trust this b*tch to teach you English???
Every year it was weird and different. Forced to meet scary new teachers that you were pretty sure were former SS members. Of course at the time my only knowledge of SS soldiers were from family photos, but is neither here nor there. Kids all smelled something awful, unfamiliar desks, and it sucked so bad you even had a No. 3 pencil.
Also, why the hell are we up so damn early to go to school? Some people would argue that school starts before the work day starts so our parents can make sure we get to school and then they would go to work. Okay, well, I got out at 3 and Dad gots out at 5. Whoever thought of this system deserves to be sexually harassed in the boys room. Come to think of it, all school really prepared us for in life was the truth that you were never going to be allowed to sleep. Is there really any question of why we lead the word in stress, heart attacks, and heart disease? From the time we start to fully comprehend thought and speech, we are forced to wake up at ungodly hours and to be miserable for an entire day. School did successfully prepare us for life. Except in real life… you don’t have a break during the summer.
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09/27/09 - 11:05 pm
so true. school gives me the thanking creeps. its always too cold and then the smell just gives me a freakin headache who ever made school manditory deserves to go to hell in a hand basket with gasoline drenched underware, with a speacial place down there waiting for them.
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09/27/09 - 12:13 am
I hated school.
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09/27/09 - 2:31 pm
In 2nd grade I wanted a Ninja Turtles Trapper Keeper…my mom came home with a pink and purple one with a cute puppy on the front.
I HAD those khaki jeans with 15,000 pockets on each leg with nothing to put in them. When I got holes in the knees my mom would find a clashing color fabric to sew patches on.
In 5th grade I failed a pop quiz, 5 questions based on our reading homework the night before. I got 2 out of 5. The teacher had such a big bug up his ass that he told us we all had to bring out quizzes home and have out parents sign them. My mom canceled my 11th birthday party.
In 1st grade I struck gold because I got a Ghost Busters the Cartoon Lunch Box (with a thermos). Unfortunately I remember getting a cream cheese and mint jelly sandwich on rye because we were out of coldcuts or peanut butter and apparently the $1.10 it would have cost to buy a sloppy joe and chocolate milk from the cafeteria.
My french teacher freshman year of high school gave me a detention because out of the dozen or so 10 lb books i had to carry around I forgot my notebook. Her motivational speech to me consisted of only, “Youre in high school now, either Poop or Get Off the Pot.” It was the only time all year she I heard her speak a word of English. I was scarred and disturbed for life…I blame this for my fixation on trying to get my GF if to try anal…and smoking too much pot in college.
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09/27/09 - 6:46 pm
@Morgazm, LMAO!!! You sound like you had an interesting childhood!! You should write a book!!
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09/27/09 - 6:48 pm
Did any of you skip school when you were younger like I did?? I would have my mother call me out of school and I had fake doctors notes so I didn’t fail. I hardly ever went and I graduated with honors- go figure! LOL- I even wound up going to a private college and graduating with honors there. I just HATED waking up so damn early and dealing with teachers that didn’t know their asses from a hole in the ground!
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