Finally... something America is excelling in!!

Well, here is a study that I really didn’t find all that shocking. 90 percent of all money has traces of cocaine on it. Let me begin with my disappointment of only at 90 percent of our currency having traces of cocaine, I thought we were better than that! Come on, America!! I think if we really give it our all, we can get that number closer to 100 percent.

I mean, we do so poorly in every other aspects of our society- finding a country on a world map, education, job market, health care, car manufacturing, etc. I just would like to see us top the world in one thing- drug residue on our currency!!!

There were several questions I had for the study that were not answered. What bills have the most traces? I bet its $20’s! $20’s have a certain crispness that’s good to roll without being too flashy. Of course some kids want to whip out a nice Benjamin but those are the punks that get mugged when they leave the party. Also all ATM’s only really give out $20’s Very rare you see a machine that says you can get money in domination of $10.

Speaking of the ten, I bet that’s the one with the least amount of residue. Think about it. How many $10′s do you have in your wallet right now? I currently have a five, a single, and a twenty. Think about it. Who is even on the $10? I know the dollar is Washington, the five is Lincoln, the twenty is Jackson, the fifty is Grant, and the of course the hundred is all about the Benjamin Franklin.

I have to look up the information. I consider myself to be partially educated. If you read this blog on a regular basis, than possibly you don’t agree, and I honestly have no idea who is on the $10. If I were to take a guess… it’s a Roosevelt. All right, I’m going to Google it right now to see if I’m right. I was wrong. It’s Alexander Hamilton. See. I didn’t know. Hell, I bet you didn’t know either. But you knew who was on the twenty, you closet cokehead.

All about the Hamiltons Baby

I wonder what the other ten percent contained. Maybe heroin. Some people snort heroin, which is a pansy way of doing the drug. If you are going to do heroin, god dammit, do it. Don’t pansy around with the stuff, get your belt off your waist, get in a dark alley, and find a vein!

What else was in that ten percent? I bet semen. Yep I said it. If cocaine is on money, why can’t semen be too? If one thing is for sure where there is coke usually there is some form of prostitution. Of course I would believe there is more semen on dollar bills though and less on twenty’s. How do you think those $1’s get all wrinkly and soggy in the first place?

A funnier question would also be what percentage of credit cards have traces of cocaine on them. Now that would be closer to 100 percent as well. How bout the percentage of cheap glass top tables from IKEA? Or keys? Or real hardcore people that have that one nail they grow longer than the others? Now excuse me, I’m gonna run out and get a microscope and put that whole Capital One, “What’s in Your Wallet” ad campaign to the test.

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