There’s a thin line between cute and pathetic. Toddlers – well, they just don’t pull their weight. IMO.
Grow up, already
After birth, you have approximately two years of pure, unrelenting cuteness. The “baby phase.” For this time period, you are equal parts innocent and helpless. You might gnaw on the fingers of others, but only because you are unaware of a better option. You will indeed crap yourself, and you will indeed be forgiven every single time. Newborns have the gift of charm and they don’t even know it. They are truly powerful beings.
Yet something peculiar happens around age 2. The charm just…disappears. Dish soap becomes poison. Crayons become tools of vandalism. Cries become weapons of deception.
At this age, a baby becomes human. And it’s all very sad.
For the two or three years to follow, every child has a period of stagnation. Gone are the disarmingly cute faces. Gone are the forgivably chunky limbs. When children reach this stage, they can only be described as monsters, with the sole purpose of making their parents miserable. And now when they have chunky limbs, it’s a problem.
Of course, all is fine and dandy once the children reach age 5. At this age, most children go to school and become legitimate contributors to our society. They have no choice but to straighten up their act and start tying their own shoes. It’s really quite a shame that kids don’t grasp this responsibility at an earlier age.
Well, why don’t they? Toddler-aged children are just lazy, smelly wastes of space. I say we put them to work, once and for all.
By age 3, a child should not only know how to tie his shoes; he should know how to change a tire. And quickly, at that. We have been too soft on children for far too long. There’s a good reason that Americans are considered fat slobs around the world – it’s what we’ve been raising.
I’m no parenting expert. But if my child were to scribble on my walls with crayon, I would make them repaint the entire house. They have to learn sometime.
Popularity: 1% [?]
08/31/09 - 4:37 pm
For the first two years you’re wanting them to walk around and talk. Then the next 16, all you want them to do is sit down and shut up
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08/31/09 - 5:25 pm
God i hate kids
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08/31/09 - 5:34 pm
kids are horrid. they should be shipped off to internment/work camps until they are 18, and can go out and be productive in society. If they are not productive, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
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08/31/09 - 5:50 pm
Yeah… I think I’ll just stick to cats. Thank you.
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08/31/09 - 6:58 pm
Thank God they grow out of Baby Shake Sydrome by that age. Toddler shaking is a hell of a work out.
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08/31/09 - 7:01 pm
Can’t they enduce comas? That could be a successful business… Toddler Coma Hospital.
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08/31/09 - 7:07 pm
It sucks, but it’s only fair that you get something to torture you the way you tortured your parents. It’s the circle of payback.
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08/31/09 - 7:10 pm
omg… worse than those kids are the parents that pretend they don’t hear them screaming in the middle of a supermarket or restaurant. but heaven forbid you give your kid a little wack in public… damn hippies and their anti-spanking bs… if they’re not bruised, it’s not abuse… SPANK YOUR FUCKING KIDS
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08/31/09 - 7:22 pm
I can’t wait to have kids. I’m going to make them decorate their own spanking belts. They can express themselves, learn, and fear, all at the same time.
My mom used to say “this hurts me more than it hurts you.” I say, if that’s true, you can’t possibly be doing it right.
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08/31/09 - 8:17 pm
Hahaha Vanessa!!! LMAO
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08/31/09 - 7:14 pm
you people have no lives you live with cats have sex and have a kid or your too thanking ugly and no one wants you
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