Sound the alarms, because the haters are out in full force.  And this time Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate plus eight fame, is the lucky target.

This just in: Jon Gosselin grew a pair

If you have somehow managed to not breathe in the past six months, then you were lucky enough to miss the media’s annihilation of Jon Gosselin.  The sweater vest wearing clean cut dad traded in his argyle for Ed Hardy and swapped his squeaky clean, emasculated image for a much more douchier likeness.  And we’re happy to see it.

Jon’s transformation has been a secret victory for men nationwide.  For far too long, we’ve all had to bear witness to the verbal harassment levied on Jon from his bitch of a wife, Kate.  To put it softly, Kate Gosselin is a succubus.  She bosses Jon around, berates him in front of their eight children, and sucked the masculinity out of him.  For the first few season of their television show it seemed as if Jon could handle the abuse and smile through it.  But in the most recent seasons you can clearly see the cumulative effect the constant nagging, snapping comments, being cut off mid sentence, and condescending remarks have had on the poor man.

You can check out a perfect example of this after the jump:

Okay, maybe that’s not exactly how it all went down.  But you must admit that it’s pretty damn close.  A man can only take so much, and for Jon that ‘too much’ just happened to unfold in front of the beady eyes of America.  Fast forward to present day and Jon Gosselin is now doing what any other man would do after separating from their bitchy, nagging wife.  He’s chasing young trim.

A little from column A...

That’s right; Jon Gosselin is on the prowl.  Or more like a hunt.

Jon’s been spotted all across the globe chasing down young snatch.  I’d even be willing to bet that if you drove to the nearest college bar, you’d find Jon Gosselin hamming it up with some young coeds.  And while the American media machine will continue to hate on poor old Jon, we’re here to remind you that this is complete horse shit.  You cannot hate on the man.

Kate Gosselin brought this upon herself.

... A little from column B

Kate treated Jon like a child.  She sucked the life out of the poor guy, gave him eight children, and berated him weekly in front of a national audience.  And yet the man preserved.  Jon Gosselin broke the chains of oppression.  And now he has two girlfriends.

This man is a portrait in growing a pair.

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