Imagine, if you will.  It’s a lovely Sunday afternoon.  You have just left church, or just woken up from a long night of partying.  Either way, you feel miserable.  You need something to look forward to.  You need a delicious meal to fill you in places the Holy Spirit simply cannot.  You need white-meat chicken.  You need waffle fries.

You need Chick-Fil-A.

We’ve all been there.  It’s called the Sunday Letdown.  There’s nothing in this crazy world you could possibly crave more on a Sunday afternoon than a Chick-Fil-A combo meal.  Maybe even one of their mouth-watering milkshakes.  All of it, shake included, smothered in Polynesian sauce.  This is the ideal Sunday lunch – bar none.

Closed Sunday

And nobody can have it.

It’s one of those rare comic tragedies.  Similar in fashion to that Twilight Zone episode where the last man alive breaks his glasses, and can’t read any books.  Only this is very real, and far worse.  Who needs books, if you can’t have any chicken?

In-store displays credit their Sunday closings to Christian values.  A quote is highlighted from founder S. Truett Cathy:

“Our decision to close on Sunday was our way of honoring God and directing our attention to things more important than our business.”

Some Christian he is.  Has he even read the Bible?  If he did, he might see it differently.  Take for instance, this passage:

“Give the people chicken.  Even on Sundays.” (Luke 5:12)

Or this one, while we’re at it:

“Ye must have a dollar menu.  What kind of fast-food chain doesn’t have a freakin’ dollar menu, anyway?  Seriously.” (Numbers 9:4)

The Face of Evil

Seeing how business is handled at Chick-Fil-A, you really have to wonder about their values.  Are they a Christian-run franchise, dedicated to friendly service and quality food?  Or are they running an operation based on greed and manipulation?  Just like the apple from Eden, there is a distinct evil lurking in the deliciousness of Chick-Fil-A.  It tastes far too good to be holy.

At this point in history, though, it might be too much to ask Chick-Fil-A to open its doors on Sundays.  The change might trigger a cosmic disturbance.  Maybe, just maybe, the Good Lord did not intend for us to eat such juicy chicken on the Sabbath.  This way, come Monday, we will appreciate that chicken all the more.  Perhaps.

But, come on – no dollar menu?  Get with the program, Chick-Fil-A.  For God’s sake.

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